Still Right Here

Sunlight in the backyard Wind through the fence again Thought I left the bad dreams Somewhere I been I laugh too loud at nothing Like I know something they don’t Hands in the grass, eyes in the clouds Tell myself I’m good… I won’t I got a sky in my chest today Blue enough to fake the pain Smile so wide it almost hurt Still I wear it anyway Swing set move, nobody there Like somebody just got up I swear I heard my younger self Say “don’t grow into that stuff” But I did… Still dancing in the backyard Like nobody watching me World go soft, edges fade Like I finally learned to breathe Wait… Why this feeling so heavy Why my shoulders sinking slow Thought I wanted all this So why don’t it feel like home I float high, then I fall strange Sun still out but sky done changed Laugh real loud when my heart feel sore Like I know what I’m smiling for Something sweet in the static air Something gone but still right there One voice say “look how far we came” Another laugh “you still the same” One says “sit still, be grateful now” One says “burn it down somehow” Jacket heavy on my shoulders Never fit me anyway Everybody had a version I was supposed to imitate Still I smile Still I wave Still I play the part they gave But sometimes I just wanna disappear In the grass and stay right here Head spinning but I move slow Good days hit then they ghost Sunset drip through backyard gate Felt too good, now too late Smile too sweet in the static air World go quiet, then panic attack I float high… then I fall strange Sun still out but dark retains Something sweet in the static air Something gone but still right there Still right there... Backyard quiet now Swing still moving Thought I heard somebody laughing