“Things That Hurt That Shouldn’t”

Verse 1] I used to run a mile in nothin’, Win the game and still go out… Now at sixty-three I swear Just puttin’ my dang pants on wears me out. If I bend the wrong direction, My back files a complaint— Yesterday I sneezed too hard And had to sit down… ’cause I ain’t. [Pre-Chorus] Used to be made of steel, Now I’m made of bubble wrap… One wrong move and suddenly I’m napping on a heating pad. [Chorus] Yeah, things that hurt that shouldn’t— Things that creak that didn’t use to… Two shots used to be a warmup, Now two shots send me to the ICU. We used to feel like superheroes, Now we're built like vintage cars… Yeah, things that hurt that shouldn’t— Like simply reaching too far. [Verse 2] My wife tossed her bra in the hamper, Just a normal laundry toss… Next morning she’s walkin’ sideways Like she got hit by a city bus. Yesterday she said her foot hurt, I asked, “Sweetheart, what’d you do?” She said, “Nothing… I was sittin’.” And honestly? Yeah—same here too. [Pre-Chorus] We used to shut the bars down, Now we’re proud if we stay up past ten… And if we drink like we used to, We’ll need Thursday off again. [Chorus] Yeah, things that hurt that shouldn’t— Things that pop when we stand up… We used to jump outta pickup beds, Now we slide out slow and pray for luck. Hangovers last a weekend, Recovery takes a year or two… Yeah, things that hurt that shouldn’t— Like literally everything we do. [Bridge – Paisley Comedy Moment] Doctor said, “You’re gettin’ older,” I said, “Doc, no kiddin’, pal… But could you invent some lotion To fix the noises that I make now?” He laughed and said, “Be grateful— You’re still kickin’, that’s a start.” I said, “Yeah, but can you explain Why my ankle hurts when I fart?” [Guitar Solo – Fun and twangy] [Final Chorus] Yeah, things that hurt that shouldn’t, But we laugh ‘cause it’s the truth… We’re fallin’ apart in slow motion, But at least I’m fallin’ apart with you. We had our days of glory, Now we glory in the tiny wins— Like when we wake up and nothing hurts… Well, nowhere important, at least. Amen.