CH 13: The Queue That Never Ends

I slammed the door, I screamed my piece Then the dark came and the ground ceased Beneath my feet the world gave way Screamed till I had nothing left to say How long I fell I cannot tell No floor, no light, no end to hell And who’d the screaming help but me? Just me and my eternity… I thought of life, I thought of home The ones I loved, the ones I’d known Eve by the desk with coffee cup Never asked — never got the chance to start it up And Mavis waiting for her food All the small things I never pursued… OH I’M FALLING THROUGH THE DARK AND EMPTY NO END IN SIGHT, NO LIGHT TO STEER ME IS THIS ALL THERE IS? JUST FALLING FREE? BUGGER ME — THIS IS HELL, ISN’T IT? YES IT IS! I’M GONE, I’M DONE, I’M SOMEWHERE NEW AND I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE JUST WHAT I DO! I landed hard on lino floor No blood, no bruise — just something more A sign, an arrow, endless line Every face from every time White walls turned beige, then taupe, then grey Nobody asks, nobody says Just shuffle on and wait your turn While the world you knew begins to burn Some push ahead, some bargain lies Some sell their souls for a better prize And I stand here and wonder still What on earth did I do to get this hill? I tried to be good — I really did! Never robbed, never killed, never slid A few small lies, a pen kept back Is that enough to earn this track? To walk this hall, to stand this line? What’s the grand design? OH I’M STANDING IN THE QUEUE THAT NEVER ENDS WALLS CHANGE COLOUR, NO ONE FRIENDS IS THIS ALL THERE IS? JUST WAITING SEE? BUGGER ME — THIS IS HELL, ISN’T IT? YES IT IS! I PLAYED BY RULES, I DID MY BEST NOW I’M PASSING SOME KIND OF TEST! Then a woman shoved, then a man appeared Smiled thin and said “Have no fear” “I’m Time,” he said — “I flow for all” Left a note, then gone from hall And then small folk — four inches tall Wings and horns, no clothes at all Isobel, sharp and quick to ire Said “Read the guides — don’t ask for fire!” “Hell’s not one thing — it’s all at once Truth shifts like the horizon!” Three pamphlets bright, three different tales One says grow, one says it never fails One says plain: IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT And I felt the ground beneath me halt! Then a beast came by — green, horned, foul breath Thrust a folder: “Fill it — death Is your audit, your final test List your sins — all of the rest!” Five simple lines — name, birth, death day… Then the last question tore away: “LIST ALL SINS IN YOUR LIFETIME” And suddenly my mind was clear, sublime I saw it all — every petty slight Every hidden thing, every quiet bite Twelve pages long — both sides filled in! Coveted sweets at the age of nine Kept a pen, told a lie so fine Small things… SMALL THINGS… WHY THE HELL AM I IN THIS LINE?! OH I DIDN’T KILL, I DIDN’T STEAL NOTHING GREAT AND NOTHING REAL JUST ORDINARY, JUST ORDINARY ME! BUGGER ME — I’M HERE AND I DON’T SEE! WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS PLACE? IS “NOT BEING PERFECT” THE WHOLE DAMNED CASE?! …And they said: “Sign here.”