(Wake up, bitch!) YOU GON’ DIE SOON! Send us all the cash money, Death’s got a loyalty program, This ain't you grandma's afterlife! Premium dirt, luxury worms, We accept Venmo, PayPal, souls in advance, (No, you cannot be buried with your crypto wallet) This ain’t a threat, it’s a public service announcement. (Okay maybe it is a threat) We got BOGO urns (Damn!) Pre-sale flowers, 20% off if you die by Friday night! TOMBSTONE’S ON CLEARANCE! (Clearance!) Bury two, get the third one cremated—NO REFUNDS! VIP PLOTS! (Aw yeah!) Gold-plated casket (bling bling!) Dig your own grave—DIY discount! And the 10th funeral’s FREE! (Yo holy shit!) So grab your coins, your will, your expired coupon codes, your kidneys, Slide into that oven like it’s Black Friday, DIE FASTER! (We runnin’ outta space!) And don’t forget to leave us 5 stars! (5 stars or we haunt you.) R.I.P (Rest In Profit) We are not responsible for spontaneous resurrection, Next of kin sold separately. [Sudden End]
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