[spoken word news parody] And another piece of news from the world of culture: Streaming giant Spotify has introduced an urn with speakers that plays a playlist for your corpses. And what will the future ashes say?! [Intro] When I die, I die, I’ll be so alone, The main thing is in my urn I’ve got a little speaker of my own. [Chapter 1] It will have songs that I adore. A private playlist will be playing there for sure. [Chorus] When I die, I die, I’ll be so alone, The main thing is in my urn I’ve got a little speaker of my own. [Chapter 2] Songs will be ringing ten thousand times more. My ashes will whirl, I’ll start a mosh pit on the floor. [Chorus] When I die, I die, I’ll be so alone, The main thing is in my urn I’ve got a little speaker of my own. [spoken word] Znouzectnost will play, metal, undergrounders, pagans and folkies too. There in the whirlwind of dance, for all eternity… that still won’t do!! [Chorus] When I die, I die, I’ll be so alone, The main thing is in my urn I’ve got a little speaker of my own. [Chapter 3] My playlist for eternity will keep on playing away. Until the batteries run out, I’ll keep dancing night and day!!! [Spoken word in TV marketing style parody] Dear listeners! Do you feel that after an ordinary funeral it’s… a bit too quiet? Then listen up! The funeral home “Happy Ending” comes with a revolutionary innovation: [Spoken word in TV marketing style parody] A Playlist for Eternity! We’ll build a music module into your urn that will play your personal playlist! Rock, disco, techno – you pick whatever songs you like! [Spoken word in TV marketing style parody] But that’s not all! [Spoken word in TV marketing style parody] The Eternal Party! In selected niches of our columbarium we’re launching a non‑stop afterlife party! Your ashes can swirl to the rhythm of music together with the other deceased! [Spoken word in TV marketing style parody] Happy Ending – because even after death, life can still be in full swing! [fast, like fine print in an ad] Legal notice: “Eternity” means until the moment our power gets cut off. [Chorus] When I die, I die, I’ll be so alone, The main thing is in my urn I’ve got a little speaker of my own.
