What I Should Have Forgiven

I held your every mistake like a stone inside my chest Built a little wall around it, called the bitterness my rest I thought that keeping distance meant I finally had control But anger is a poison that devours what is whole I carried all our fractures Like they proved I had been right What I should have forgiven Is the weight I kept on living All the hurt I wouldn’t loosen Till it broke us both apart What I should have forgiven Is the fear behind your trembling Now I see the cost of holding What was never meant for my heart You tried to make it easy, but I met you with closed hands I turned a single moment into something I demanded And all the bridges burned through words I never tried to mend Now I replay every silence wishing I could bend again I thought that being stubborn Would protect me from the pain What I should have forgiven Is the weight I kept on living All the hurt I wouldn’t loosen Till it broke us both apart What I should have forgiven Is the fear behind your trembling Now I see the cost of holding What was never meant for my heart If I could speak to who I was The day I turned away I’d say that letting go is strength And pride’s too small a place to stay What I should have forgiven Is the anger I kept breathing All the time I spent defending Walls that kept me far from you What I should have forgiven Is the moment I chose distance Now forgiveness feels like mourning For the love I never grew