Not sure what I was thinking. I swear I wasn’t drinking. When I invited her along. We’d only chatted online. We seemed to get along fine. Could a funeral blind date go so wrong? She did know how to say, “I’m so sorry,” but added, “Not like I bumped him off.” At each moment of silence, she ripped one and thought she’d just cover it with a loud cough. [instrumental] An unrepentant, proud, loud talker, she queried, “Who’s the guy in the box?” No amount of shushing could stop her from joking, “Hey, are you hearing casket knocks?” [instrumental] “So, women can be ministers?” she said to all in shouting distance. “The Lord works in some effed up ways.” The preacher mentioned heaven. She said, “Ain’t that just an urban legend?” If looks could kill, she’d be at the stake and ablaze. She then revealed her fire crackers. I decided it was time that we go. Before a manic mourner attack her, the receiving line we’d sadly forgo. Most funerals are a bummer, but her blunders made it funner. My plus-one at this minus-one event. Decorum’s not her prime trait, yet she’s one dumb ol’ blind date I definitely gotta see again.
