At 8:43 I sent to Benefits a boring little thing Hey, my dental got weird in March, can someone check my file? I clicked a box by accident, well, I guess that's what I did And now the whole North American division knows I lost a tooth The subject line was "Question" That should've been a clue Now Dallas, Tampa, Winnipeg are all in on it too One guy wrote, "Please remove me" real polite, like he's at church Then seventeen more hit reply-all which, uh, made it slightly worse Reply-all, reply-all Hear the tiny gears stall Somewhere in a server room a cooling fan has lost its faith Reply-all, reply-all Watch the whole thing hit the wall I asked about a copay and now Legal's drafting notes Now Brenda from procurement says This thread is not for me A VP in Los Angeles writes, I think I disagree A man named Scott sends just a thumbs-up which is not a thing you need Then someone adds a confidential note about a severance deal A regional sales director typed, I thought we all knew Susan used No one knew what Susan used till three departments checked Now half the firm's on LinkedIn and one guy's crying by a Keurig IT says, "Do not engage this" in a message to us all Which of course becomes the anthem for the people in freefall Reply-all, reply-all Like a dumb municipal brawl A man in Boise's pleading that his mailbox hit the brim Reply-all, reply-all Now Exchange begins to crawl And my iPhone just buzzed itself right off the conference table The old guys start on etiquette with phrases like "back in Notes" One says this would not have happened if we still respected coats HR drops in at 9:12: Please keep remarks professional At 9:13 a branch manager sends a limerick, not correct at all Then Facilities in Omaha attaches fifteen floorplan scans A woman near the loading dock writes, "Quit replying, for God's, well..." she recalls it, sends it yet again to twelve thousand workers more And somebody in the Denver office replies, "Can you clarify?" The printers start to wake up I guess from fear or bad design Some fax machine in storage gives a little groan at 9:29 This is how it happens, right Not with a bang, but Janet from Compliance asking whether she should be included No one knows Janet, but... Janet may be the only honest person here We had a stock price once We had a lunch-and-learn We had a functioning sense of what "distribution list" meant Now the CEO is writing, "Who started this" and I am microwaving fish because there is no future now Reply-all, reply-all Watch the mighty empire fall From copier lease reminders to a live security breach Reply-all, reply-all Now the helpdesk takes the call Have you tried restarting every person in the company? Reply-all, reply-all Hear the noble firewall bawl A hundred "please remove me"s bloom like mold across the chain Reply-all, reply-all Well, I guess that's really all Except for one more message saying Thanks, this issue has been fixed At 10:41 the silence comes No trumpet, gong, or bell Just one last note from someone in Des Moines: Why am I getting these? [Words, Production, and Direction by Noizgenie.] [Cover Art Direction by Noizgenie. © 2026 Noizgenie.] [Email [email protected] for permission to remix.]
