The B-List Beasts by Noizgenie

Compsognathus, small and fast, like a kid you can’t babysit,
And Therizinosaurus, those claws, no thanks, I’m out, I’m skipping it.
Hold up, hold up, let me do the name without the panic,
Therizinosaurus
Cool. Now picture that in a hallway. At night. Just standing there.

It’s a walking can-opener with posture, and it knows where you live.

Catch a glide with Archaeopteryx, cutting corners through the leaves,
Gallimimus would pass you, then pretend it barely tried, honestly.
Tiny ones with feathers, long jaws, weird horns, odd paws,
Who needs a T-Rex when Pentaceratops shows up with five opinions?

Why’s it always the same three names on every lunchbox in the aisle?
There’s a whole era of chaos and nobody gets a smile.
Say Micropachycephalosaurus, that’s not a name, that’s a dare,
And if you nailed that first try, congratulations, you’re leading the tour.

Seriously, you’re hired.
Bring your own lanyard.

I said five opinions.
No it’s four.
It’s five.
It’s six.
It depends.
You’re missing the point.

Anzu strolls in like, I’m basically a bird, relax,
Cryolophosaurus has that crest that says “bad haircut,” still commits.
These aren’t knockoffs, they’re fossils, they’re receipts in stone,
Epidexipteryx sounds like a printer error, but it’s real, I checked.
Their PR team just didn’t survive the asteroid.
Okay, wow.
Moment of silence for marketing.

Carnotaurus, tiny arms, big confidence.
Diplodocus, neck for days, zero concept of personal space.
Buitreraptor sounds like a Wi-Fi network, I’m just saying.
Zuniceratops, and I’m not pretending I didn’t practice that one.

Actually, it’s five faces.
No, it’s a different dinosaur.
Don’t email us.

Next time someone says “dinosaurs,” don’t stop at the celebrity list,
There’s a thousand oddballs that never got the merch or the myth.
Also, if anyone asks, I did not say “printer error” on the record.
You did.
It’s in the fossil now.
Whatever. Can someone just order a pizza? I’m done.

2836/7500

Yeah, T-Rex gets the posters, sure, big grin, big job, But the timeline’s basically a whole zoo plus the gift shop. Meet Dracorex, helmet-head, looks like it shops for tiny crowns. Regal vibe, still the kind of guy that solves problems by ramming you. Compsognathus, small and fast, like a kid you can’t babysit, And Therizinosaurus, those claws, no thanks, I’m out, I’m skipping it. Hold up, hold up, let me do the name without the panic, Therizinosaurus Cool. Now picture that in a hallway. At night. Just standing there. It’s a walking can-opener with posture, and it knows where you live. Catch a glide with Archaeopteryx, cutting corners through the leaves, Gallimimus would pass you, then pretend it barely tried, honestly. Tiny ones with feathers, long jaws, weird horns, odd paws, Who needs a T-Rex when Pentaceratops shows up with five opinions? Why’s it always the same three names on every lunchbox in the aisle? There’s a whole era of chaos and nobody gets a smile. Say Micropachycephalosaurus, that’s not a name, that’s a dare, And if you nailed that first try, congratulations, you’re leading the tour. Seriously, you’re hired. Bring your own lanyard. Catch a glide with Archaeopteryx, cutting corners through the leaves, Gallimimus would pass you, then pretend it barely tried, honestly. Tiny ones with feathers, long jaws, weird horns, odd paws, Who needs a T-Rex when Pentaceratops shows up with five opinions? I said five opinions. No it’s four. It’s five. It’s six. It depends. You’re missing the point. Anzu strolls in like, I’m basically a bird, relax, Cryolophosaurus has that crest that says “bad haircut,” still commits. These aren’t knockoffs, they’re fossils, they’re receipts in stone, Epidexipteryx sounds like a printer error, but it’s real, I checked. Their PR team just didn’t survive the asteroid. Okay, wow. Moment of silence for marketing. Carnotaurus, tiny arms, big confidence. Diplodocus, neck for days, zero concept of personal space. Buitreraptor sounds like a Wi-Fi network, I’m just saying. Zuniceratops, and I’m not pretending I didn’t practice that one. Catch a glide with Archaeopteryx, cutting corners through the leaves, Gallimimus would pass you, then pretend it barely tried, honestly. Tiny ones with feathers, long jaws, weird horns, odd paws, Who needs a T-Rex when Pentaceratops shows up with five opinions? Actually, it’s five faces. No, it’s a different dinosaur. Don’t email us. Next time someone says “dinosaurs,” don’t stop at the celebrity list, There’s a thousand oddballs that never got the merch or the myth. Also, if anyone asks, I did not say “printer error” on the record. You did. It’s in the fossil now. Whatever. Can someone just order a pizza? I’m done. [Words, Production, and Direction by Noizgenie.] [Cover Art Direction by Noizgenie. © 2026 Noizgenie.]

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