yo been tryna breathe right but the air taste off like metal n memory melt in my lungs got the flavor of every word i ain’t said when she told me to forgive but i still kept that rage folded in my chest like a blade i ain’t drawn yet and the edge whisper “you done forgot who you was built to protect” and i tell it shut up but it laugh like thunder in reverse all echo no storm just hum in my pulse like a bassline that never drop and i’m tryna walk calm through it like the streets still sacred like i ain’t drag my own shadow through every corner tryna find someone else to blame but the truth keep circlin back like debt collectors in a dream sayin nullus you the debtor you the ghost you the flame that keep your cage lit and i’m standin in that light like yeah maybe i’m both the lock and the code maybe forgiveness ain’t no act but a mode maybe rage the language i spoke so long it became my only road and now i’m tryna unlearn it syllable by syllable watch it slip off my tongue like rust from a chain cleanin itself in the rain she told me once in that hospital hush “you can’t fight ghosts with fists” and i ain’t listen i just clenched tighter like the grip could bring her back to before the crash but time don’t rewind it just stares at you quiet while you choke on what you think you control and i been that choke hold for years all discipline and venom dressed in pride and grime watchin her rise above it all like she floatin through the hurt like incense smoke while i stay sinkin in my own curse like a sinkhole made of thoughts that won’t die and i keep thinkin maybe if i could find that dude maybe if i could look him in the eyes maybe if the world gave me that moment the rage would finally shut up but deep down i know that moment already passed and the only one left to face is the reflection that won’t flinch no matter how loud i cause' if i cause' if i see that mutha fucka.....nah....nah...see gotta leave it alone.... cause' if i see that mutha fucka.....nah....nah...see gotta leave it alone.... forgiveness move like sludge but it got purpose drip by drip turn curse to service see slime ain’t evil when it nourish, it’s the soil under all that hurt, it’s the proof that death still birth new work i stare at her scars, they shine like streetlights after rain, reflections of what pain built when it couldn’t destroy i been tryna mimic that glow, not the wound but the way she let the wound show, sayin “yo it happened, and i still grow” and i’m like damn, that’s alchemy slow burn, long turn, no glamour just grit, she cookin peace outta trauma like it’s just another flip and i watch, feel small as hell cause i been stuck in the trap that she already left, still servin ghosts when she breathin fresh air like how she forgive that man who wrecked her flesh but can’t wreck her soul, that’s gold, that’s bold, that’s more than control so i breathe slow, slime in the lungs but it clear with each pulse i mumble her name like a mantra through grit, through fault, through the crawl of every night i fought myself cause forgiveness a war too, but this one end different, not with a body but a silence, not with a win but a soften, not with a gun but a breath, i step out the loop, feel the grime drip off truth like sweat from labor earned she sleep easy, i still learn, but for the first time, the burn don’t hurt it just warm, like proof that maybe grief ain’t a curse but a form of love that forgot its boh boh boh mutha fucka, you heard? see there i go again see the rage ain’t even rage no more it’s habit a parasite wrapped in static hum like trap in attic dust thick like guilt i ain’t had it in me to kill it yet just feed it quiet like a pet till it grow round the ribs like regret i get caught in that loop like cassette rewindin pain for sport call it self defense but it’s really just court with no verdict she done forgave the world but i’m still the juror still the judge still the crime and the curse i rehearse my hate like it owe me verse but the rhyme been gone the song been done i’m hummin fumes chasin ghosts with a loaded tongue so i start whisperin back to myself like a prayer half broke half beat sayin yo nullus you ain’t the weapon you just the wound learnin how to heal you just the echo tryna sing its own song before the silence turn real and that realization hit like cold cement on bare feet heavy and plain but still sacred cause the moment you admit the hate done owned you that’s when it start losin grip and maybe that’s all forgiveness ever been not some holy act just the grit of lettin go the need to swing back and i still feel the urge rise every time her scar catch the light like a reminder of every what-if i can’t rewrite but i breathe through it count slow let the slime in my blood cool down into calm let it shimmer instead of burn cause i finally get it that anger was never justice it was just me refusin to face the hurt i couldn’t boh boh boh mutha fucka, you heard? let the slime in my blood cool down into calm let it shimmer instead of burn cause i finally get it that anger was never justice it was just me refusin to face the hurt i couldn’t fix, i was mixin poison in my own chalice thinkin vengeance was balance, but that’s just madness wearin honor’s jacket, all theatrics, tragic how i kept drinkin acid and waitin for they skeletons to collapse, like my wrath was an ax that could cut they shadow, but all i did was split my own reflection in half, half man, half mask, half ash, tryna outlast pain that only asked to be grasped, not cast out see i learned that this kind of heat don’t heal it just conceal the wound till it rot proper, and i was proud of that posture, chest high with toxins in the locker like trophies, thinkin “yeah i survived,” but survival ain’t life, it’s just dyin on pause forgiveness ain’t no white robed choir, it’s grime in the lungs singin “you can rest now,” it’s pain with its fists unclenched, it’s the mirror no longer swingin back, it’s the drip of slime turnin clear like riverwater after flood, it’s the hood hymn hummed through cracked teeth and tired jaw, sayin “you ain’t gotta keep dyin to prove you’re raw,” nah you just gotta stop drinkin what was killin you and call that growth, call that peace, call that love in disguise, cause poison don’t prove power, it prove thirst and i been thirsty too long to not taste rebirth, so i sip silence, slow, let it swirl through the hurt, and for the first time, i don’t choke, i just learn
