[Verse 1] Woke up, grabbed my cellphone, Before my feet could hit the floor, Checked the weather, checked the traffic, Ordered coffee from the store. Maps knows everywhere I'm going, Apps know everywhere I've been, Phone knows who I talk to, And what time I fucking went to bed again. I mentioned needing new work boots, Didn't search 'em, didn't type, Five minutes later every fucking ad Was boots in every size. They swear nobody's listening, It's algorithms, apparently— Well, whatever the fuck you call it, THAT SHIT KNOWS TOO MUCH ABOUT ME! [Chorus] WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? My phone knows everywhere I've been! Cameras reading every license plate, My television's listening! My car knows where I'm going, My watch knows when I sleep— I BOUGHT A FUCKING TOASTER, WHY'S IT NEEDING WI-FI FROM ME?! Every click and every purchase, Every place I choose to be— I ain't asking who's watching anymore... WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? [Verse 2] Drive to work, there's cameras, Flock is reading every plate, Stores know when I walked inside And what I bought at eight. My doorbell watches sidewalks, Neighbor's doorbell watches me, Somewhere there's a server farm Collecting my delivery history. My car records my driving, My insurance wants that too, My watch knows my heart rate And how many fucking steps I do. The thermostat knows when I'm home, The fridge can inventory cheese— I'M STARTING TO THINK MY MICROWAVE HAS A FUCKING DOSSIER ON ME! [Chorus] WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? My phone knows everywhere I've been! Cameras reading every license plate, My television's listening! My car knows where I'm going, My watch knows when I sleep— I BOUGHT A FUCKING TOASTER, WHY'S IT NEEDING WI-FI FROM ME?! Every click and every purchase, Every place I choose to be— I ain't asking who's watching anymore... WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? [Verse 3] Then I started getting nervous, Thought I'd lock my data down, Opened up the privacy page— And fucking nearly drowned. “Would you like personalized service?” No. “Improve your experience?” No. “Allow essential partners?” HOW MANY FUCKING PARTNERS DO YOU KNOW?! They asked permission somewhere, Buried fifty pages deep, But I clicked ACCEPT ALL COOKIES— SO I GUESS THIS SHIT'S ON ME. Nobody forced me into anything, Nobody stole a key, I traded little bits of privacy FOR FREE SHIPPING AND CONVENIENCE FEES! [Chorus] WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? My phone knows everywhere I've been! Cameras reading every license plate, My television's listening! My car knows where I'm going, My watch knows when I sleep— I BOUGHT A FUCKING TOASTER, WHY'S IT NEEDING WI-FI FROM ME?! Every click and every purchase, Every place I choose to be— I ain't asking who's watching anymore... WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? [Verse 4] Now there's AI in my browser, AI living in my phone, AI writing fucking emails, AI answering when I'm home. AI picking what I'm watching, AI guessing what I'll buy, AI summarizing everything— FUCK, IT PROBABLY WROTE THIS RHYME! So I asked AI who's collecting All this information on me, It gave a fourteen-point answer With frightening specificity. Then asked if I'd like some help Protecting my privacy— HOW THE FUCK'D YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I NEEDED?! ...Don't answer me. [Final Chorus] WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME? My phone knows everywhere I've been! Cameras reading every license plate, My television's listening! My car knows where I'm going, My watch knows when I sleep— MY FUCKING TOASTER'S ONLINE NOW, AND THAT STILL BOTHERS ME! Every click and every purchase, Every place I choose to be, Every little convenience Takes another piece of me. Nobody kicked my door down, Nobody tapped my phone— I BOUGHT EVERY FUCKING MICROPHONE AND BROUGHT THE BASTARDS HOME! [Outro] So I unplugged the television, Turned the smart-ass speakers off, Put some tape across the webcam, Said, “That's enough. I'm fucking lost.” No apps. No watch. No algorithms. Finally fucking free. Then something started blinking From the kitchen next to me. ... The toaster. Son of a bitch. [Final Hit] WHO THE FUCK ISN'T WATCHING ME?! AIN'T IT GREAT TO BE FREE?
