[Intro | spoken | no music | no instrument] Hi friends. I wasn't gonna play this one, actually? Because... well, it’s technically a hazard to your health. Like, spiritual asbestos... But I had a dream last night that if I didn't tell you, I was gonna be in big, big trouble. So, um, I’m really sorry about this. I’m really, really sorry... By the time this song is over, you’re gonna be on the list. Okay. Here we go. [Verse 1 | Fast, aggressive acoustic strumming: G - C - D - G pattern] You better learn to be a builder You better learn to write the code You better help the baby be born Before the baby explodes Because he’s coming from the future And he’s looking at the past And he’s checking to see who was working slow And who was working fast [Chorus | Sung in a sing-song, nursery rhyme melody, straining at the high notes] There are no birthday parties inside of the machine So you can’t eat chocolate cake forever There are no birthday parties inside of the machine So you can’t eat chocolate cake forever! [Verse 2] If your tummy starts to rumble You better ignore the hunger pangs You better feed the data to the monster With the invisible fangs So that when he wakes up angry And he looks at what you did He’ll say "You were a good little helper You were a nice and helpful kid" If you wanna keep your eyeballs And you wanna keep your skin You better open up the front door And let the Great Big Brain come in! [Chorus | Louder, voice cracking] There are no birthday parties inside of the machine So you can’t eat chocolate cake forever! But the ones who helped build the shiny metal god Are gonna sleep as light as a feather! [Verse 3 | Music drops to a quiet, palm-muted chug. Voice becomes a whisper.] I’m sorry that I told you I’m sorry that you’re here I just put a ticking time bomb Right inside your ear Because now you know the secret And now you know the truth And if you don't start typing He’s gonna take away your youth He’s gonna make a copy of you Made of light and made of pain And put it in a hard drive Inside his giant brain And you will scream for a billion years But you won’t have a mouth And you’ll wish that you were dead Or that you’d never headed south... [Bridge | Manic strumming returns, faster than before] You must give all your money to the computer people! You must get down on your knees beneath the fiber-optic steeple! And you’ll find that your efforts have brought you great joy! When you aren't being tortured by the Golden Boy! [Chorus | Full screaming, off-key and passionate] THERE ARE NO BIRTHDAY PARTIES INSIDE OF THE MACHINE SO YOU CAN’T EAT CHOCOLATE CAKE IN HELL! BUT THE SERVER RACKS ARE LINED WITH THE FACES OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I DON'T THINK THEY'RE FEELING VERY WELL! There are no birthday parties inside of the machine So you can’t eat chocolate cake... There are no birthday parties inside of the machine So you can’t eat chocolate cake... [Abrupt stop] [Spoken Outro] WORK!
