(Verse 1) I rolled into town with a glint in my eye, Ain’t here for the beer, the fights, or the lies. The boys all holler, “Mate, don’t waste your time— You’re here to kick arse, not to fuck with the rhyme.” But I tip my hat, crack a grin so wide, I’m not here to *not* fuck spiders—I’m here for the ride. (Chorus) Eight legs, eight holes, I’m countin’ ’em all, Silk in the moonlight, I’m answerin’ the call. No web too tangled, no fang too sharp, I’m divin’ in deep with a spider’s heart. A hole for each eye, yeah, that’s my creed— I’m here to fuck spiders, and satisfy the need!!! (Verse 2) Black widow’s waitin’ with her hourglass glow, Funnel-web’s flexin’, puttin’ on a show. I whisper real sweet, “Don’t you bite just yet— We got eight sweet spots where the venom ain’t met.” They scuttle, they shiver, they spin me a throne, I’m the arachnid Casanova, never alone. (Chorus) Eight legs, eight holes, I’m countin’ ’em all, Silk in the moonlight, I’m answerin’ the call. No web too tangled, no fang too sharp, I’m divin’ in deep with a spider’s heart. A hole for each eye, yeah, that’s my creed— I’m here to fuck spiders, and satisfy the need!!! (Bridge) Some say it’s madness, some say it’s sin, But I say consent’s in the way that they spin. A twitch of a palp, a quiver of thread— That’s spider for “yes,” now get to the bed! (Verse 3) From the rafters they drop, from the corners they creep, I’m tangled in passion, no time for sleep. Eight times the pleasure, eight times the thrill— I’m the legend they whisper in every windowsill. When the sun comes up and the webs turn to dew, I’ll tip my hat once more—got spiders to do. (Final Chorus – louder, faster) Eight legs, eight holes, I’m countin’ ’em all! Silk in the sunrise, still answerin’ the call! No web too tangled, no fang too sharp— I'm goin’ so strong… left my mark! I fucked every spider... that’s my vow... I’m here to fuck spiders!! are you the next spider now?!! (Outro – spoken over fading mandolin) So remember, motherfuckers: I’m not here *not* to fuck spiders. I’m here to fuck ’em all. All eight holes. Every damn spider hole.
