[CHEESY RADIO JINGLE] [SUNG JINGLE] MEATBALL AND THE CRAAAACK! ONE-OH-FOUR-POINT-TWO... THE SPLAAAAAT! [AIRHORN] [HOST 1 - MEATBALL, SPOKEN] GOOD MORNING, BULGARIA! [EXPLOSION] [HOST 2 - THE CRACK, SPOKEN] Is Bulgaria awake? [MEATBALL] No. [THE CRACK] Good. Neither am I. [LAUGH TRACK] [MEATBALL] You're listening to Meatball and The Crack, the only morning show legally classified as a workplace accident. [THE CRACK] Apparently we're not allowed to say that anymore. [MEATBALL] Why? [THE CRACK] Because there was an accident. [SAD TROMBONE] [MEATBALL] Coming up today: traffic, weather, celebrity gossip, and Crack attempts to identify household objects using only his tongue. [THE CRACK] I'm currently banned from IKEA. [MEATBALL] Again? [THE CRACK] Different IKEA. [RECORD SCRATCH] [STATION VOICE] 104.2 THE SPLAT. Lowering the national IQ since six this morning. [SHORT FUNKY BUMPER] [MEATBALL] Time for... [DRAMATIC DRUM ROLL] [BOTH] IS IT FOOD?! [AIRHORN] [MEATBALL] Crack. Today's mystery object is round, yellow, approximately eight centimetres wide. [THE CRACK] Cheese. [MEATBALL] Incorrect. [THE CRACK] More cheese. [MEATBALL] It's a tennis ball. [THE CRACK] So we're ruling out cheese? [MEATBALL] Not yet. [DING] [THE CRACK] I knew it. [MEATBALL] Line three! Caller, you're on The Splat. [CALLER - TELEPHONE FILTER] Hello? [MEATBALL] Congratulations! [CALLER] For what? [MEATBALL] You are caller number seven! [CALLER] What did I win? [MEATBALL] Nothing. [CALLER] Then why did you— [DISCONNECT TONE] [THE CRACK] Another satisfied listener. [APPLAUSE] [CHEESY NEWS STINGER] [MEATBALL] And now, Crack's traffic report. [THE CRACK] Right. [PAUSE] [THE CRACK] There's a blue car. [MEATBALL] Where? [THE CRACK] Outside. [MEATBALL] Anything else? [THE CRACK] There's another car behind it. [MEATBALL] Fantastic. [THE CRACK] That one's red. [NEWS STINGER] [MEATBALL] That was traffic. [STATION VOICE] 104.2 THE SPLAT. We checked. They're definitely cars. [CHEESY COMMERCIAL MUSIC] [ANNOUNCER] Today's Meatball and The Crack is sponsored by... Gary's Discount Surgery. Need something removed? Gary probably has scissors. Gary's Discount Surgery. Located behind the petrol station. No appointment. No questions. No refunds. [MUSIC ABRUPTLY STOPS] [THE CRACK] I've been there. [MEATBALL] I know. [THE CRACK] Gary kept my kidney. [MEATBALL] He collects them. [THE CRACK] Nice bloke though. [MEATBALL] Lovely bloke. [PHONE RINGS] [MEATBALL] Caller! What's your name? [CALLER - TELEPHONE FILTER] Steve. [MEATBALL] Wrong! [BUZZER] [CALLER] What? [MEATBALL] Your name is Trevor now. [CALLER] No it isn't. [THE CRACK] Congratulations, Trevor. [AIRHORN] [CALLER] My name is Steve! [MEATBALL] Not according to the computer. [THE CRACK] Computer says Trevor. [CALLER] What computer?! [WINDOWS ERROR SOUND] [MEATBALL] That computer. [CALLER] You people are idiots. [MEATBALL] Correct! [JACKPOT SOUND] [THE CRACK] What does he win? [MEATBALL] A Meatball and The Crack commemorative mug. [THE CRACK] We don't have mugs. [MEATBALL] Then he wins the concept of a mug. [THE CRACK] Beautiful. [EMOTIONAL PIANO CHORD] [STATION VOICE] Meatball and The Crack. Two men. One microphone. Several active complaints. [HUGE RADIO JINGLE] [SUNG] MEATBALL AND THE CRAAAACK! [MEATBALL] Tomorrow morning, Crack attempts to fight a printer. [THE CRACK] It knows what it did. [PRINTER ERROR BEEP] [THE CRACK] COME HERE, YOU BASTARD! [CRASH] [AIRHORN] [SUNG JINGLE] ONE-OH-FOUR-POINT-TWO... THE SPLAAAAAT! [END]
