[Intro] We'd been training with the Chair Force, Somewhere far away from home. They said we'd grab some chow on their base. Fine. Chow is chow. Or so we were fucking told. [Verse 1] We came walking from the flight line, Dirty boots and filthy gear, Looking for some powdered eggs And coffee strong enough to fear. Then those double doors swung open... And everything went still. Real plates beside the silverware. Someone said, "Please take your time." WHAT? Fresh fruit sitting in a basket. Omelets made right while you wait. Three kinds of fucking breakfast meat. BRO... THEY'VE GOT STEAK. Carpet underneath the tables. Air conditioning everywhere. Johnson slowly turned and whispered— "DEVIL... ARE THOSE PADDED CHAIRS?" [Chorus] VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL! WE HAVE REACHED THE SACRED HALL! Hot food! Cold drinks! Real fucking silverware! Nobody screaming down the hall! VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL! LET THE FALLEN WARRIORS FEAST! If this is how the Chair Force liv— DON'T FUCKING RESURRECT ME! [Verse 2] Then Ramirez stopped mid-bite And dropped his fucking fork. His eyes went wide, he pointed left— We all forgot how eating worked. Walking calmly by the salad bar, Looking polished and serene, Was a tall blonde Air Force woman Like she'd walked off a magazine. Then another crossed behind her. Then another joined the line. Johnson checked himself for bullet holes. "GUYS... I THINK WE FUCKING DIED." Maybe training went to shit. Maybe nobody told us yet— BUT THIS HAS GOTTA FUCKING BE IT. These aren't Airmen. THESE ARE VALKYRIES. Sent to gather fallen warriors To the feast beyond this life. THE GODS HAVE CALLED THE INFANTRY— AND HOLY SHIT, THEY GOT IT RIGHT! [Verse 3] Then an Airman sat beside us, Looking angry at his plate. Said the omelet line was awful— "I WAS STANDING THERE FOR EIGHT." Eight what? Minutes. Every Marine stopped chewing. Eight whole minutes for an omelet? MOTHERFUCKER, READ THE ROOM. We've eaten eggs that fucking bounced In a plywood dining room. You've got Wi-Fi, steak and waffles. You've got chairs that fucking lean. YOU UNGRATEFUL CHAIR FORCE BASTARD, THIS IS HEAVEN TO A MARINE! We went back up for seconds. Johnson found the soft-serve line. Ramirez grabbed another steak. I FOUND THE VALKYRIES AGAIN. Then Sergeant came to find us. Said the bus was leaving soon. Nobody moved. He pointed toward the exit. We looked toward the dessert line. "Get your asses on the bus." Johnson whispered— "I'D RATHER FUCKING DIE." [Final Chorus] VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL! WE HAVE SEEN THE SACRED HALL! Hot food! Cold drinks! Valkyries everywhere! And padded fucking chairs for all! VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL! LET THE FALLEN WARRIORS SING! We joined the Core for honor— THEY'RE IN HERE EATING LIKE FUCKING KINGS! Chair Force! You can keep your easy jokes! Your hotels and your fancy halls! JUST GIVE US BACK THAT FUCKING BREAKFAST— VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL! [Outro] I watched Valhalla through the window As the bus pulled through the gate. One last Valkyrie walked past us. Johnson whispered, "It's not too late." Sergeant shoved him in his fucking seat. "Sit down and let it go." We weren't dead. We weren't chosen. JUST SOME GRUNTS WHO FOUND GOOD CHOW. [Distant Male Choir] VALHALLA HAS A CHOW HALL... [Quiet Male] Fuck... We gotta go back.
