[Style: Fast, upbeat comedic folk metal; powerful female folk storyteller, galloping guitars, fiddle, mandolin, whistles and pounding drums. Huge tavern singalong chorus, theatrical character voices and escalating fantasy chaos. Extended dueling electric guitar and violin solo.] [Verse 1] Deep beneath the dungeon When the torches all burn low, Little goblins brush their fangs And little ogres stub their toes. Tiny trolls put jammies on, Young orcs climb into bed, But when their monster parents leave, A dreadful thought fills every head. A floorboard creaks! A shadow moves! Something rattles by the door! A goblin pulls his blanket up— “I SAW A HERO ON THE FLOOR!” [Pre-Chorus] Check the wardrobe! Check the chest! Nobody is getting rest! Mother says, “There’s nothing there!” “THEN WHAT JUST MOVED BEHIND THAT CHAIR?!” [Chorus] THERE’S AN ADVENTURER UNDER MY BED! A knight with a sword who wants my head! THERE’S AN ADVENTURER INSIDE MY CLOSET! Dad, go look! “No, YOU go toss it!” We can’t sleep! We’re filled with dread! There’s probably a paladin under the bed! Leave the lights on! [Parent] “YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T SLEEP WITH LIGHT!” [Little Monsters] “THEN WE’RE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!” [Verse 2] A baby minotaur hears scratching Somewhere underneath, A little ghoul is trembling And chattering all her teeth. A skeleton kid whispers, “I heard something breathe!” His father sighs, “You don’t have ears.” “THAT MAKES IT WORSE FOR ME!” A tiny dragon curls beneath His blanket in despair, “I think there’s an adventurer Hiding underneath the stairs!” His mother checks and finds a sock. “See? Nothing here at all.” Then something shiny flashes From the shadows down the hall! [Little Dragon] “IT’S A SWORD!” [Mother] “It’s a spoon.” [Little Dragon] “…A VERY SMALL SWORD!” [Chorus] THERE’S AN ADVENTURER UNDER MY BED! A ranger with arrows aimed at my head! THERE’S AN ADVENTURER INSIDE MY CLOSET! Mom, go look! “I already checked it!” We can’t sleep! We’re filled with dread! There’s definitely a wizard under the bed! Leave the lights on! [Parent] “YOU CAN’T SLEEP WITH LIGHT!” [Little Monsters] “THEN WE’RE STAYING UP ALL NIGHT!” [Verse 3] But monster moms and monster dads Know exactly what to say: “If you’re GOOD, the heroes come And carry you away! So steal your brother’s breakfast! Put spiders in his shoes! Paint the dungeon ceiling! And NEVER say excuse!” “Be rude! Be loud! Throw pudding at the wall! Because heroes only capture Little monsters who behave!” The children gasp in horror And begin their evil chores. One goblin kicks his toy chest. One troll slams seven doors. A little orc looks terrified: “Dad… I said ‘please’ today.” His father slowly shakes his head. “Son… You’d better pray.” [Instrumental-Dueling Guitar & Violin] [Fast folk violin vs neoclassical guitar; frantic call-and-response, sweep arpeggios, accelerating synchronized finale] [Bridge] Then midnight strikes! The dungeon sleeps! Something through the hallway creeps! Tiny monsters hold their breath— FOOTSTEPS COMING FROM THE LEFT! A shadow crosses underneath The bedroom door tonight! Every little monster screams— “ADVENTURERS! TURN ON THE LIGHT!” [Door Bursts Open] [Parent] “WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?!” [Little Monsters] “WE’RE BEING BAD!” [Parent] “Why?” [Little Monsters] “SO THE HEROES WON’T GET US!” [Brief Pause] [Parent] “…I’m so proud.” [Final Chorus] THERE’S AN ADVENTURER UNDER MY BED! A cleric! A rogue! Maybe ALL OF THEM! THERE’S AN ADVENTURER INSIDE MY CLOSET! Nobody’s checked it! [Parent] “Fine. I’ll check it.” [Door Opens] [Silence] [Parent] “See? Nothing there.” [Relieved Sighs] [Adventurer, From Under Bed] “Goodnight.” [ALL MONSTERS] “AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” [Final Folk-Metal Hit] [Adventurer] “…Was it something I said?”
