**[Intro — Country Radio Voice]** Well, folks… They came back last night. And this time… THEY STOLE MY TRACTOR. **[Alien Female Vocal]** *BEEP-BEEP, HUMAN!* *WE BORROW YOUR FARM MACHINE!* *DO NOT PANIC!* *WE ARE EXCELLENT DRIVERS!* **[Verse 1]** Woke up this morning, coffee in my cup, Looked out the window—tractor’s gone, yup! Boots on the porch, I ran outside, Saw green little aliens taking my ride! One had a cowboy hat tilted way back, Another was smoking a cosmic cigarette pack, I yelled, “HEY! THAT’S MY JOHN DEERE!” He yelled, “YOUR TRACTOR IS FAST, MY DEAR!” **[Chorus]** They stole my tractor! They stole my damn ride! Little green bastards took it for a joyride! Crop circles spinning, UFO in the sky, My tractor’s doing donuts while the aliens fly! They stole my tractor! I’m losing my mind! Who taught these space fools how to drive a combine? My cows are laughing, my chickens ran— I’m getting abducted by a farming band! **[Alien Female Vocal]** *YEE-HAW, EARTH COWBOY!* *YOUR TRACTOR IS NOW OURS!* *WE SHALL RETURN IT…* *AFTER WE VISIT MARS!* **[Verse 2]** I grabbed my truck and chased them down, They were ripping through the fields, tearing up the ground, My GPS said, “Recalculating route,” Then the damn UFO started blasting out! Bass so loud made the windows shake, Alien moonshine gave the tractor an earthquake, My neighbor yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I said, “I’M CHASING THESE DAMN MARTIANS WHO ARE FARMING AND CRUISING!” **[Beat Breakdown]** 808 BOOM! BANJO TWANG! ALIEN SCREAM! TRACTOR GANG! **[Alien Female Vocal]** *WE FOUND YOUR BARN!* *WE FOUND YOUR PIGS!* *WE FOUND YOUR BBQ!* *THIS PLANET IS BIG!* **[Final Chorus]** They stole my tractor! They stole my damn ride! Now they’re doing NASCAR laps through the countryside! Crop circles glowing like a neon sign, Three little aliens yelling, “THIS FARM IS MINE!” They stole my tractor! Then they stole my pie! Then one of them asked me if cows could fly! I said, “HELL NO!” He said, “WATCH THIS!” **[Alien Outro]** *MUHAHAHA!* *THE COW IS FLYING!* *THE TRACTOR IS FLYING!* *THE FARMER IS SCREAMING!* **[Country Voice]** …Yep. I’m calling the sheriff. **[Alien Female Whisper]** *We already called him.* **[Beat stops]** **[Far Away Alien]** *YEEEEE-HAWWWW!*
