[intro] [slow creepy build] . . . [Verse 1] It’s Jacob’s birthday, the bottles are light, Batman’s on the wall but he’s losing the fight. Fifteen-page screenplay glowing on his phone, Alfred turned evil, but Jacob’s already gone. He read the first page, said, “This could be deep,” Then somebody poured him another six drinks. Now Gotham can wait and the Riddler can scheme, He’s twelve and a half sheets into the dream. [Chorus] Twelve and a half sheets to the wind, The room spins out and comes back again. The floor keeps rising with suspicious speed, Like gravity’s got some personal beef. The butler’s immortal, the Bat’s in despair, But Jacob’s too drunk to know or care. Save the dark revelations till ten A.M. He’s twelve and a half sheets to the wind. [Verse 2] His phone gives a buzz, but he lets that thing lie, There’s an ancient Roman villain in a suit and tie. Pilate became Alfred, Dorian Gray too, But explaining all that takes sobriety to do. Somewhere in Gotham, an old portrait grins, Somewhere at the party, another round begins. Bruce wants an answer, but nobody speaks, Jacob’s currently negotiating peace with his feet. [Chorus] Twelve and a half sheets to the wind, The room spins out and comes back again. The floor keeps rising with suspicious speed, Like gravity’s got some personal beef. The butler’s immortal, the Bat’s in despair, But Jacob’s too drunk to know or care. Save the dark revelations till ten A.M. He’s twelve and a half sheets to the wind. [Bridge] Tomorrow he’ll wake with one eye open, Read “Still walking free,” and wonder who wrote it. He’ll stare at the screen with a pounding head, Then whisper, “Alfred was Pilate?” from the edge of the bed. [Final Chorus] Twelve and a half sheets to the wind, Birthday justice has struck again. The floor finally caught him, the night finally won, Batman’s greatest mystery will wait for the sun. The Joker may tremble, the Riddler may shout, But tonight Jacob’s completely checked out. Raise one last glass, then carry him in, He’s twelve and a half sheets to the wind. [Outro] [spoken words] Birthday tonight. Psychological collapse tomorrow.
