[Title] The STEM Scam Serenade [Short Instrumental Intro] (Lute strumming with a light, bouncy rhythm) [Spoken Intro] (clears throat loudly) Hear ye! Hear ye! A message from the Lords of Silicon Valley! [Verse 1] The billionaires cry out with a tear in their eye "America is falling behind, we must try! We have too many lawyers in suits and ties We need more Engineers to reach for the skies!" They say "Learn to code! Study physics and math! Or the Chinese economy will give us a bath!" They promise a future of rockets and stars But that ain't the reason they're hiring from Mars. [Chorus] (Energy picks up, tambourine enters) They don't need your brain for the national defense They need you to fix the electric gate on their fence! They need a structural expert with a PhD To balance the hot tub on their new jet ski! "Please fix my mansion!" the rich man implores "My robotic butler keeps running into doors!" [Verse 2] You spend four years studying thermal dynamics Just to work on a toilet made of gold and ceramics. You’re not building bridges or curing disease You’re calibrating the wind-speed for the private breeze. "Oh, help me, Engineer!" cries the man with the cash "My automated wine-cellar is starting to crash!" [Bridge] (Tempo slows down, dramatic pause) But wait... do not banish the lawyers away We still need a few of those sharks in the bay. 'Cause when you try to fix the helicopter pad And the wiring goes wrong and the landing is bad... [Fast Tempo Resume] They need a lawyer to sue you for all that you've got! For scratching the paint on the mega-yacht! One guy to fix it, and one guy to sue That is the circle of life for you! [Outro] So go get your degree, you brilliant young fool And come fix the filter in the infinity pool! (Huzzah!) [End]
