(Verse 1) Such beautiful vermin, a menace to society, Struttin' through the fields with majestic dignity. Then they'll gracefully leap without a single care, Right in front of your bumper like they paid to be there! Chrome goes flyin', airbags bloom, Smelly guts all over the engine room. The tow truck driver just shakes his head, "Another deer thought your hood was a bed." (Chorus) Oh, beautiful vermin, majestic devils all, Standin' in the highway just waitin' for the call. I've lost fruit trees, I've lost cars, I've lost good friends to those woodland stars. They're gorgeous from a distance, Till they ruin your day— Oh, beautiful vermin, Please wander somewhere else today! (Verse 2) They've chewed my orchard down to little sticks, A buffet line with antlers pullin' all the tricks. Every spring there's twins, then three more somehow, I swear they're reproducing faster than the cows. The population keeps on climbin', Traffic reports are always whinin'. Every back road tells the same old tale, "Watch for deer!" in letters pale. (Chorus) Oh, beautiful vermin, majestic devils all, Standin' in the highway just waitin' for the call. I've lost fruit trees, I've lost cars, I've lost good friends to those woodland stars. They're gorgeous from a distance, Till they ruin your day— Oh, beautiful vermin, Please wander somewhere else today! (Bridge) Maybe trim the numbers just a little bit, Keep the balance where the forests fit. Some jerky for the pantry, a savory meat pie, Waste not, want not—that's my reply. Less wrecks on the highway, fewer tears to cry, A healthier herd beneath the open sky. Nature needs balance, that's plain to see, And maybe fewer deer decorating me. (Final Chorus) Oh, beautiful vermin, woodland royalty, You're equal parts wonder and calamity. Those graceful leaps have cost us all, With twisted fenders and insurance calls. You're pretty as a postcard, But I'll still say with a grin, You beautiful majestic devils... Please don't jump in front of me again! (Outro) Those deer... those beautiful majestic devils. How I hate your aimless wandering ways. You're lovely in the meadow, But stay off the highway... And leave my apple trees alone.
