dying for you .

when i heard you wanna leave i shoved my emotions down and sat in silence until someone asked if i was okay i lied and said im doing so great im such a shitty person i wonder if it was all my fault i hate myself i hate my body i hate my face i hate the scars i hide under the seams of my clothes i hate my personality and how all my feelings and actions affect others last night i wanted to kill myself but instead i cut myself not one cut not five cuts not ten cuts it was twelve if anyone sees then ill be dead by morning i hate myself after i self harm i hate myself when i vent to others and i HATE myself when i look at the pills and think “i could’ve just ended it right then and there” get the bath cold swallow em one by one but nah i guess ill stay for Michael for Chloe for Layton for Em for Hanna and anyone else who ever actually gave a shit about me, im bot ready to meet god yet but i want my pain to end i hate myself for everything i do i hate the voices in my mind praying for them to hide i dont even know why im doing shitty when i feel shitty so i lie instead of saying im doing shitty again. im sorry..im so sorry i promise ill never cut again if it keeps you from committing ill do anything instead i love you guys so damn much to much to leave you or to lose you im crying for you and id die for you.