Something Is different ... I woke up This morning And for a moment Nothing Was wrong ... Not because Everything Was perfect ... The same bills Same body Same world Same unfinished things Same people I love Same possibility Of losing them ... But something Was missing ... Fear ... Not gone Exactly ... Just Not sitting In my chair ... Oh ... I feel Like a new person ... Wait ... A new Person? ... There it is ... Person ... The thing We've been circling Since the beginning ... The thing Fear has been Protecting ... Me ... My name My history My beliefs My mistakes My successes My reputation My body My things My people My future ... The person I learned To be ... Fear built A fence Around it ... Don't hurt me Don't leave me Don't embarrass me Don't disagree With me Don't take What's mine Don't let me fail Don't let me Get sick Don't let me Grow old Don't let me Die ... Protect Protect Protect ... And I thought That was Living ... But look ... Every wall Fear built To keep pain out Also kept Something In ... Me ... A little person Standing In the middle Of everything Saying Mine ... My life My time My money My house My body My beliefs My family My God My future ... Mine Mine Mine ... And every Mine Created Something That could be Lost ... ALARM ... Oh ... Maybe fear Wasn't guarding The world ... Maybe fear Was guarding Ownership ... The idea That Life Belonged To me ... But did I Start My heartbeat? ... Did I tell My lungs Keep going While I slept? ... Did I grow This body From a single cell By knowing How? ... Did I command The sun Come up? ... Did I make The people I love Appear? ... How much Of what I call My life Did I actually Create? ... And how much Was Given? ... ... The fence Gets quieter ... Mine ... Given ... Mine ... Given ... My breath ... Given ... My body ... Given ... This morning ... Given ... This moment ... Given ... Life ... ... Wait ... If Life Was given Before I could even Say Mine ... What exactly Have I been Protecting? ... A name? ... A story? ... A temporary Arrangement Of things I was allowed To love? ... Oh ... Allowed To love ... Not Allowed To own ... That changes Something ... Because now I can love you Without pretending I can keep you Forever ... I can hold you Without believing You belong To me ... I can enjoy This body Without demanding It never change ... I can build Without pretending Anything built Cannot fall ... I can live Without requiring Tomorrow To sign A contract ... And suddenly Fear Has less To protect ... Not because I stopped caring ... Because I stopped Calling everything Mine ... ... Something Begins falling ... Not the world ... The walls ... The little fence Around Me ... And what I thought Would feel like Losing myself Feels strangely Like Relief ... The room Gets bigger Again ... There is the chair There is the window There is the sky There is someone Laughing Somewhere ... Nothing Belongs to me ... And somehow Nothing Feels separate ... ... Fear whispers If you don't Protect yourself You'll disappear ... Maybe ... The person I thought I was Might ... But Life? ... Look ... Still breathing ... Still moving ... Still here ... I thought Fear was keeping Me alive ... But Life Was keeping Me alive While fear Was busy Protecting The story ... Oh ... There you are ... The thing I've been protecting My whole life ... The person I learned To call Me ... I don't hate you ... Come here ... You were frightened ... You thought Everything Was yours To keep ... No wonder You were tired ... ... You don't have To hold The universe Together Anymore ... It was never In your hands ... The hands Were in it ... ... And something Falls away ... I expected To feel empty ... Instead ... I feel New ... No ... Older Than new ... Like something That was here Before The person ... Before The fear ... Before Mine ... Before My name ... Breathing ... Being ... I AM ... And the frightened Little person Is still welcome ... He just Doesn't need The keys
