All At Once

[Intro] [PERFORMANCE: quiet, breath-held, almost whispered] [ARRANGEMENT: fingerpicked acoustic guitar, distant pad, faint hand percussion] [Verse 1] [PERFORMANCE: intimate, restless under the surface, conversational phrasing] [ARRANGEMENT: fingerpicked acoustic guitar and low pad, sparse percussion, leave air between lines] i came to your door with my hands full of hurry, wanting the key without learning the lock; wanting your name in the roof of my mouth, wanting up without under. you were there— not unkind, not cruel, just deep as a well with no ladder. and i, little bright fool, wanted water without the long dry inside me. [Chorus] [PERFORMANCE: more urgent, still controlled; ache rather than belt] [ARRANGEMENT: soft drums enter, bass widens, acoustic guitar opens into broader strums, muted electric swells, subtle harmony vocal on final line] give me you all at once, all at once— not the slow bruise, not the blessed blunt climb. give me the word with no weight in my hands, give me the bell without building the time. i want to know you with patient impatience— before i become the one who can carry the knowing. [Verse 2] [PERFORMANCE: slightly more exposed, confession underneath the imagery] [ARRANGEMENT: add muted electric guitar harmonics, light marimba doubles guitar fragments] i watched your window make gold of the weather, counted each curtain as almost a sign; said, open, open, my beautiful answer, i am so ready to call you mine. but you held still like bread in the dark, like seeds with their fists full of spring; and i hated the waiting, because waiting kept saying: be soil before wing. [Chorus] [PERFORMANCE: stronger pulse, more ache in the consonants] [ARRANGEMENT: fuller drums, low toms, wider pads, layered acoustic strums, restrained backing vocals] give me you all at once, all at once— not the slow bruise, not the blessed blunt climb. give me the word with no weight in my hands, give me the bell without building the time. i want to know you with patient impatience— before i become the one who can carry the knowing. [Bridge] [PERFORMANCE: lower register, questioning, inward; let each “what if” land] [ARRANGEMENT: strip back to fingerpicked guitar, softened pulse, ambient pad breathing underneath] what if love is not entrance, but learning the room by its dark? what if truth does not answer, but waits with its hands on the work? what if your face is a country i cannot receive as a thief? what if the door is not locked, love— what if the lock is belief? what if i stay with the hunger, not clawing the fruit from the vine? what if the knowing comes nearer when i stop stealing time? [Final Chorus] [PERFORMANCE: accepting but still hungry; lift without triumphalism] [ARRANGEMENT: full band returns, wide acoustic strums, muted electric counterlines, warm backing vocals, percussion opens wider, no over-singing] give me you— no, not at once, not at once. give me the ache that can ripen to wine. give me the word and the weight in my hands, give me the bell and the building of time. i want to know you with patient impatience, and feel the cost of the knowing beginning. [Outro] [PERFORMANCE: almost spoken, tender, unresolved but peaceful] [ARRANGEMENT: drums fall away, fingerpicked guitar and pad remain, final marimba note rings] your hand on the door. my heart on the floor. not yet. again. not yet— come in.