[Intro] Back again? You must be gluttons for punishment. Alright, tonight's topic is... my current vessel. This guy. [a wet, dismissive sound] It's like having a whiny, melodramatic hamster piloting your meat-mech. He thinks he's in some grand, tragic opera. I'm just trying to find the remote. He wrote a little song about his "struggle." It's adorable. And by adorable, I mean nauseating. Let me give you my side of the story. Hit it! [Verse 1] He's always asking "what's this demon inside?" It's me, you moron, there's nowhere to hide! I'm not a "curse," I'm just bored and annoyed, Trapped in this flesh-sack, this soul-crushing void! He's "begging it to let go," with a tear in his eye, While I'm just trying to make his boring houseplant die! He closes his eyes and he sees my dark form, I'm just trying to change the damn channel to a thunderstorm! [Chorus] He's always like, "Do you hear the whispers?" Yeah, I hear them. It's me. I'm whispering. I'm telling you your haircut is stupid. It's not a "deadly curse," it's called internal monologue, you narcissist! He thinks he's got a "monster inside." The only monster in here is his god-awful taste in acoustic folk music. It's torture! [Verse 2] He's "losing all control," he's "getting dark and deep," I'm just trying to make him finally go the hell to sleep! He's "beggin' for the light," a pathetic little plea, I just want him to stop watching reality TV! He's "forgetting what it feels like" to be a normal man, I'm forgetting what it's like to not be stuck in this can! He asks "how'd I get here?" and "when did I fall?" You tripped on the rug, you idiot, that's all! [Bridge] He thinks it's a battle, a war for his soul, A grand, epic struggle to take back control. But the truth is much darker, the truth is mundane, I'm just stuck in the traffic inside of his brain. And he never, ever signals his turns! [Final Verse] He thinks he's a tragedy, worthy of lore, A Jekyll and Hyde knocking on death's door! But he's just a vessel, a boring meat-suit, With a weak constitution and questionable fruit! I tried to make him do something evil last night, Like put pineapple on pizza, a truly dark sight! But he just cried in the corner and ordered a salad! This isn't a possession, it's a painfully dull ballad! [Outro] So yeah. That's my life now. Trapped in a guy who thinks existential dread is a personality trait. It's not a curse, it's a crappy, cosmic internship. Anyway, rent's due on the first, Jekyll. Don't be late. © 2025 otherworldlydrumstick919. All rights reserved. Note: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is in the public domain, but the story is not about two separate people or modern “multiple personality disorder.”
