[Verse 1 – J rapping, semi-slurred] I hit the field like a かいじゅう beast, Got my ガンダム buckets, peace to the East. Left side chikin, right side blast, Two liters of Strong, sippin’ way too fast. Certified せんぱい, printed bold, Drippin’ grease on my タオル I stole. Teachers flinch when I start to roar, Yelled “やったぜ!” then I ate the floor. ⸻ [Chorus – Trey singing like a drunk Gackt] 🎶 Two buckets on my back, and I’m feelin’ right, Zig-zag down the lane like a satellite, Strong Zero in my veins, wings of fried might, Certified Senpai, bringin’ shame to the night 🎶 ⸻ [Verse 2 – Trey, smooth delivery] Criss-cross straps like I’m ready to fight, Hydration mode: wrong. This ain’t electrolytes. Moms whisper, “かわいい… but ざんねん,” I offer drumsticks and a greasy “amen.” Tengu face, with legs of clay, I tripped on a shoe and crushed the PTA. Principal shouts, “Get off the track!” But I’m mid-squat, snackin’ yakitori pack. One dad yells “おい！” from across the sand, I scream—「バケツをとれよ、でぶやろう！」 and raise my hand. ⸻ [Bridge – みほ, slow and beautiful] 🎶 あなたは なんで こうなの？ じぶんのこども より からあげ？ T-shirt says “Senpai,” but you’re just a clown… And now you’re trending in this stupid town 🎶 🎶 あいしてたけど… もうムリよ… あのバケツごと かえってこないで 🎶 ([faint sound of door closing]) ⸻ [Verse 3 – J & Trey, unrepentant) I brought shame, grease, and けっこうなアルコール, Fell asleep under a とこなつ pole. They put caution tape around my zone, Woke up spooning a traffic cone. My kid came in third — I was proud as hell, Told everyone “That’s my boy!” then fell. Dropped my bucket, lost one shoe, Tried to chug, but I missed and spewed. ⸻ [Verse 4 – トレヴァーこうはい, timid and nervous] せんぱい… this isn’t the way. You scared my grandma and ruined the play. You ate the prizes, knocked over the drums, Your breath smells like gas station plums. I looked up to you, now I just… look away, You threw my obentō into the PTA buffet. You yelled “やったぜ!” with wings in your hand, But this ain’t アニメ… it’s just a dad in the sand. Please go home. Please… (single tear, distant kazoo echo) ⸻ [Bridge 2 – Spoken, by J, totally sloshed] “I don’t care what Miho says… I don’t care what トレヴァー says… I am the うんどうかい. I am the せんぱい. This tarp is my kingdom.” ⸻ [Chorus – Full Cast, drunk karaoke mode] 🎶 Two buckets on my back, I’m a walking shame, Kids tryna race while I chant my name, Colonel Sanders hatin’, but it’s all the same, Certified Senpai — this is how we game 🎶 ⸻ [Outro – shamisen solo + kazoo solo + wind chime crash] (ふらふら…ドーン！) うんどうかい、またらいねん！ But first… someone help me off this tarp. I think I spilled the Strong… and my will to live. ⸻ [Encore Chant – megaphone + kids screaming] せんぱい！せんぱい！ ちきん！ストゼロ！ トレヴァー！たすけて！ 「バケツをとれよ、でぶやろう！！！」 （やったぜ～～！！！）
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