(Intro - A warped, distorted carousel music sample plays, quickly cut by a massive bass drop and a simple, heavy, stomping drum beat. A strange, high-pitched, echoing laugh follows.) (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) (Spoken, low, gravelly voice, maniacal): Ha ha! Step right up, Juggalos! Tonight's act? The pure, uncut agony of the everyday! WHOOP WHOOP! (Verse 1 - The Curse) (Cm) Woke up on the wrong side of the grave again, smelled like day-old fear (Ab) Tripped over the dog, dog bit the mailman, now the whole damn street is in the clear of me! (Eb) My car’s on fire, my paycheck’s gone, my roof’s got a hole where the rain comes right in (Bb) Man, I'm the walking jackpot for failure, the master of the unlucky sin! (Cm) Yeah, I got a special gift, a divine, twisted curse from the clowns above (Ab) Everything I touch gets the Mallet of Misery, forgets the meaning of love! (Eb) I went to the bank, the alarms went off; I went to the store, they ran out of the Faygo I craved (Bb) I'M THE UNFORTUNATE SON! The universe just wants me engraved! (Cm) I got a tiny little demon living right under my hat and he sneers (Ab) He feeds on my sadness, grows fat on the unspoken fears and the tears (Eb) He whispers the stupid plan: Go talk to the nice lady! AND THEN I FALL (Bb) I AM THE JINX! I AM THE UNLUCKIEST JUGGALO OF ALL! (Pre-Chorus - The tempo remains slow, but the intensity builds to a strained, frantic shout over a chaotic synth stab.) (Ab) Tried to buy a lottery ticket, the machine jammed and it broke in my face! (Eb) Tried to leave town, the bus exploded and vanished without a trace! (Bb) IT'S THE MALLET OF MISERY! It follows me WHEREVER I GO! (Cm) YOU CAN'T ESCAPE THE SIDESHOW! WELCOME TO THE FUCKING SHOW! (Chorus - Massive, distorted bass and drums. Vocals are a deep, chaotic growl mixed with wild, high-pitched screaming.) (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) (GROWLED/SCREAMED): MALLET OF MISERY! Yeah, the failure IS THE CODE! (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) CLOWN JUSTICE! I'm trapped beneath the HEAVY DAMN LOAD! (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) I'M THE UNLUCKY! Everything I touch TURNS TO SICKENING DUST! (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) WHOOP WHOOP! IN THE BLOOD! IN THE FIRE! IN THE RUST! (Verse 2 - The Grand Finale) (Cm) Went to the carnival, tried to win the giant stuffed bear on the shelf (Ab) The ball hit the target, but the prize exploded and killed half the elf and the staff (Eb) The cotton candy machine started spitting spiders and foul smelling gas (Bb) MY BAD LUCK IS CONTAGIOUS! You better let me pass and get past me fast! (Cm) I tried to make friends, offered them a bottle of Faygo to share and to pour (Ab) It instantly turned to acid and burned a hole right through the fucking floor! (Eb) I'm a walking, talking, permanent, glorious black hole of unrest (Bb) I AM THE DARK CARNIVAL'S MOST PROFOUND, SICKENING TEST! (Outro - The distorted carousel music returns, speeding up and slowing down chaotically over a fading, heavy beat. A final, manic laugh cuts off sharply.) (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) (Maniacal, echoing scream): HA HA HA! JOIN ME! (Cm) (Ab) (Eb) (Bb) (Final heavy, sickeningly cheerful organ note and guttural laugh.)
