[Intro – Soft, Classic Christmas] [soft piano, gentle bells, warm strings] Snow gently falls… the world feels right… Another cozy Christmas night… And every heart is filled with lo— [RECORD SCRATCH-everything stops] “WAIT—WAIT—WAIT. Why am I singing like a Hallmark movie? Bro… who wrote this?? Ayo, producer — give me my REAL beat.” (HARD beat drops: sleigh bells + drums + guitars) [Verse 1] ’Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, It was just me and Santa playin’ cat and mouse. See, Santa don't know it, but I ain’t quite asleep— I slipped outta bed just to take a quick peek. There by the fire I could see the big sack, White beard glowin’ from the tree at his back. I crept in slow, and before he could notice— I was on top of him, beatin’ him senseless! (ad-libs: “GET HIM!” “Ho-ho-HOLD UP!”) [Chorus – Big Christmas Pop/Rap] It’s Christmas time, yeah, I’m causing a scene, (choir echo: “a scene!”) Chasin’ Santa through the night like a holiday dream, (backups: “run, run, run!”) Naughty or nice? Man, I broke that scale— (echo: “broke that scale!”) If Christmas had a jail, I’d be rottin’ in the cell! But hey— Lights flashin’, guards dashin’, chaos everywhere, (backups: “everywhere!”) Merry Christmas to the world… I ain’t ever playin’ fair! [Verse 2] Quick up the chimney he began to fly, But I was still danglin’ from his shoes to his thigh. Wind hit my face as we took off that night— And boy, did I make him regret that last flight. Throwin’ out gifts to whoever I wanted, Danglin’ elves over oceans I spotted. Alarms started blarin’ as I broke into houses, Givin’ the finger to whoever passes. (ad-libs: “Merry Christmas, losers!”) [Verse 3] See, now that it’s over, you’re right — it was bad, But they say the girls love me, so I’m just as glad. Naughty list, top spot — yeah, that’s my name, And Santa has promised that there it will remain! So yeah, this cell is freezing, and sure, the guards hate me, But at least I’ve got stories that keep the nights crazy. Before he returns me right back to my bed… Say, guard — you said it’s this way to his sled?? (ad-libs: “NO, NOT THE DOOR!” “Bro don’t let him out—”) [Chorus – Repeat] It’s Christmas time, yeah, I’m causing a scene, (choir echo: “a scene!”) Chasin’ Santa through the night like a holiday dream, (backups: “run, run, run!”) Naughty or nice? Man, I broke that scale— (echo: “broke that scale!”) If Christmas had a jail, I’d be rottin’ in the cell! But hey— Lights flashin’, guards dashin’, chaos everywhere, (backups: “everywhere!”) Merry Christmas to the world… I ain’t ever playin’ fair! [Verse 4 – Setup for the Bridge] I’m breakin’ out nightly, I’m gone like a ghost, North Pole security? Man, they do the most. They chase me through snowdrifts, I’m makin’ ’em sweat— Santa ain’t caught me… at least not yet. [Bridge – Unhinged North Pole Escape] Constantly movin’ — can’t let ’em get me, I’m runnin’ from polar bears… they run on two feet?! Anyway, every way — up, down, and left— Smack into Santa… oh man, I am so dead. (ad-libs: “RUN!” “NOT THE BEARS!” “SANTA NO—”) [Outro – Soft Christmas Returns] [music calms back to bells & piano] Okay… so I’m makin’ it up. …Or am I? Well… I gotta go pack my stuff. (soft sleigh bells… faint whisper: “he’s getting away…”)
