Dead Presidents - A Radio Halloween Event

[Spoken radio drama throughout. No singing.] [0:00 — Radio static. Thunder. Spooky organ.] HOST: Good evening, creatures of the night! Welcome to The Witching Hour. Tonight: “Dead Presidents.” Halloween. Washington. Something in the White House has been drinking more than brandy. [Sinister laugh. Slippery surf guitar sting.] [0:20 — News bulletin chimes.] ANNOUNCER: We interrupt our Halloween program. The tomb at Mount Vernon has opened from the inside. George Washington is missing. REPORTER: Correction. He’s here. And he’s asking directions to Pennsylvania Avenue. [Thunder. Marching footsteps.] [0:40 — Quiet organ under dialogue.] REPORTER: Others are joining him! Lincoln. Jefferson. Roosevelt. A procession of dead presidents! Lincoln just tipped his hat. Something fell out. I believe it was... a an axe! LINCOLN: Good evening. REPORTER: Good evening, Mr. President. What brings you back? LINCOLN: Unfinished business. It's nazi zombie huntin' time! [Short acid surf burst. Wailing slide guitar.] [1:05 — Iron gates rattle.] REPORTER: They’ve reached the White House! Every window is dark. There are bats in the fountain. Washington is knocking. [Three enormous