The Joke Song

The Joke Song George Burns put it kind of bluntly Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair It’s enough to drive you spare This one made me laugh to tears Been in love with the same woman For 30 years If my wife finds out There'll be hell to pay I heard Henny Youngman say Tim Vine's the master of the one-liner There’s nobody does it finer I've got a stack of chimney jokes and they're all on the house... So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.’ He said 'I'm not stopping you.' Thought I couldn’t do no worse Turning humour into verse Thought I could be real funny Turning jokes into money Thought I couldn’t get it wrong Writing down this little song Emo Philips got me laughing Said he had a large gay following But lost him in the alley Emo was tall and skinny But his humour punches Like Muhammad Ali Bob Monkhouse was very slick His humour was sharp and quick At first they laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian They’re not laughing now... I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much. Is self-deprecating humour’s your thing Go see Dangerfield in full swing My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday Was the kind of thing he’d say… I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me Looking at him you might agree Thought I couldn’t do no worse Turning humour into verse Thought I could be real funny Turning jokes into money Thought I couldn’t get it wrong Writing down this little song Jimmy Carr is always fast-paced On the very edge of good taste If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus? Is a line he uses to tease us What do you know about dwarfs? Very little. Never fails to raise a giggle Steve Martin is a comic and an actor And never lacked the X-factor Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural things that money can buy. I believe that Ronald Reagan will someday make this country what it once was... an arctic wilderness. Groucho Marx really made us laugh Let me quote a few on his behalf He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot… Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others. He was even funnier than his brothers. Thought I couldn’t do no worse Turning humour into verse Thought I could be real funny Turning jokes into money Thought I couldn’t get it wrong Writing down this little song