The Navy Can't Stop the Boats Verse 1 Twelve admirals stand proudly Upon the harbour wall, They've got one or two ships and a submarine — Well, they've got some, after all. The procurement plans are twenty years, The budgets disappear, And every time they need a ship, The shipyard says, “Next year!” Chorus Oh, Britain had a mighty fleet, That ruled the rolling sea, But now we've got a spreadsheet And a consultation fee. The engines cough, the radios fail, The newest ship needs fuel, And while Whitehall debates the plan, The little boats reach shore! Verse 2 There's a frigate in the harbour With a problem in its parts, Another ship is waiting For an engineer to start. The admirals blame the Treasury, The Treasury blames the cost, The minister blames his predecessor— And everybody's lost! Chorus Oh, Britain had a mighty fleet, That ruled the rolling sea, But now we've got a spreadsheet And a meeting at three. The engines cough, the radios fail, The newest ship needs fuel And while Whitehall debates the plan, The little boats reach shore! Verse 3 There's corruption in the contracts, There's consultants by the score, There's millions spent on studies To decide what ships are for. They announce another programme, With a fanfare and a grin, Then cancel it three years later When the next election comes in. Bridge And mothers watch the television, Wondering where the Navy's gone, While politicians promise That they'll fix it before long. The Union Jack is flying, The brass band proudly plays, But somewhere down in Calais Another rubber boat makes way. Final Chorus Oh, Britain had a mighty fleet, From Nelson to the war, But now the Navy's counting ships That aren't operational anymore. The engines cough, the budgets shrink, The admirals say, “We're fine!” While little boats cross the Channel One more time, one more time. Outro So raise a glass to Whitehall, Where procurement plans are born, Where ships are ordered yesterday And delivered years too late. The Navy guards the ocean— Or at least that's what they say, But somehow all those little boats Keep sailing on their way!
