[Intro] [Intro Acoustic Guitar] [Verse 1] Got a call today from someone calling themselves Johnny Hormone He was do’in his best to speak America’s version of English Told me I won in a hurried voice Asked me not to hang up Wanted me to give him a listen [Verse 2] Says he was calling from pud-fishers dying mouse Johnny tells me there are lots of prizes to win Tells me it won’t cost me a dime All he needed was some of my time [Verse 3] The top prize was a space age latex love doll Only needs two triple A batteries Moves and moans Almost life like he says Her name is Linda [Verse 4] He warns me not to get confused She’s not the same doll sold at the Circle Jerk Five and Dime These stores are found across the nation [Chorus] Wait! He says… But, there’s more A whole lot more He says excitedly [Interlude] [Bridge] Latex Linda come with a supply of nipple biscuits and crotch crickets All of which is not made in the good ole USA [Verse 5] This biscuits are crunchy The crickets are sweet and tasty Leaves an unfamiliar taste in your mouth for days To seal the deal there’s a thirty day supply of sanitizer wipes And an extra large tube of Linda’s love lube [Verse 6] Johnny then admits there is a cost While the items are free The shipping is not I would have to pay a nominal shipping fee Only three easy payments of twenty-nine-ninety-five [Chrous] I’m sitting here with a smile a mile wide Trying my hardest not to laugh Doing my best to let him get through his spiel Even through his stuttering and mumbling [Interlude] [Outro] Johnny says imagine that! All this for three easy payments of forty-nine-ninety-five Told me pud-fishers dying mouse delivers prizes to winners all over the world I told him to fix his script Thank you for the call [Fade] [End] [END]
