I spent most of my life in a fight not the kind you win with fists just me in a bedroom mirror trying to outrun my own name I knew I was different early on but different got treated like a problem so I learned to make myself smaller shut up, smile, take the hit I fought that war every day not because I wanted to because I thought if I stopped I’d lose my family, lose everything Little by little it took pieces out of me sleep, time, the version of me that should’ve gotten to breathe I was living half-lit wearing my life like a costume that fit wrong calling it survival calling it the truth I kept my head down kept my mouth shut but I was never made to stay locked up When I finally tried to be myself so tired of fighting this pointless war they didn’t scream they did something worse they acted like nothing had changed Like the name, the body, the whole damn fracture was just background noise and that kind of silence can wreck a person clean through I tried to end it all failed, and then I spent twenty years numb just existing on autopilot Kept busy kept moving kept myself too distracted to look too hard at the life I wasn’t living And still somewhere under the static I was there just waiting to come back I was living half-lit wearing my life like a costume that fit wrong calling it survival calling it the truth I kept my head down kept my mouth shut but I was never made to stay locked up Then I found music just messing around at first writing stupid little songs to feel something, anything Then one song opened the door I started putting the pain on paper and it finally had a shape Not pretty not polished just honest enough to hurt and that was the start of me choosing me Now I’m out in the open yeah, I said it plain I spent too many years answering to a shame I’m done with the war done with the disguise I lost too much time trying to make myself hide If you don’t like it that’s your problem, not mine I’m not your mistake I’m finally alive The cost was too high I won’t lie about that but I’m here now I’m finally here
