Why Him, Not Me

I made it home alive But I ain’t made it back Part of me got buried there And I still feel the blast Same dirt on our boots Same fire in the sky Same fear in both our eyes That same last night alive He saw what I didn’t Moved before I could breathe Stepped between me and the dark And gave his life for me Now every night replays it Like it just happened again And I keep reaching for a reason But I come back empty-handed WHY HIM, NOT ME Why do I get one more night He looked death in the face for me He looked death in the face for me And stepped into its sight NOW I’M THE ONE WHO TELLS HIS SON How brave his father was While trying not to fall apart From what that bravery cost I drove out to his family With my hands locked on the wheel Had a folded truth beside me And a pain I couldn’t heal His little boy just smiled at me Like I brought his daddy home His wife looked through me quietly Like somehow she already knew I said, He died a hero Saving somebody he loved But words like that feel useless When love still isn’t enough WHY HIM, NOT ME Why do I get one more night He looked death in the face for me And stepped into its sight NOW I’M THE ONE WHO TELLS HIS SON How brave his father was While trying not to fall apart From what that bravery cost I hear him in the hallway I see him when I sleep I feel him in the quiet In every part of me I keep And if I live a hundred years I’ll never pay that debt I’ll just carry who he was In every broken step WHY HIM, NOT ME WHY AM I STILL STANDING HERE Why do I get his tomorrow While he disappeared NOW I’M THE VOICE THAT TELLS HIS WIFE How he gave his life in full And I’m the ghost of what came back Cause he’s the reason I came home at all SO IF I BREATHE, I BREATHE HIS NAME If I live, I live for both But some nights that don’t feel like living It just feels like carrying ghosts I made it home alive I made it home alive He’s the reason why And every door I walk back through Still feels like goodbye