[whimsical] [Verse 1] I don’t wanna work, but I really like the perks Free stale donuts and a chair that kinda jerks I clock in late, then I vanish like a ghost Leave a sticky note that says “I’m doing… uh… the most” I call in sick while I’m standing in the gym Wave off my boss, lying about sickness isn't really sin. Claim I’ve got a rare condition called “Too Tired To Try” It’s contagious, so I better stay home… goodbye [Pre-Chorus] I’ve had the flu, the plague, a case of déjà vu A paper cut so bad I had to sue [Chorus] I don’t wanna work, but I wanna get paid For the time that I spend at home watching Jerry. Just deposit checks while I binge trash TV I’m an “Employee… Spiritually” [Verse 2] I said I broke my leg in a juggling mishap With flaming chainsaws and a poorly trained yak Then I lost my eye in a pirate reenactment fight But I found it later—still took off the night I’ve buried twelve grandmas, all named “Marie” HR’s gettin’ suspicious, but they can’t prove I've lied about a thing. I said I slipped on air and pulled a muscle in my brain Now I’m out on leave for imaginary pain [Pre-Chorus] I asked for an advance on a check I haven’t earned They said “that’s not how money works”—I said “Just give me what I havent earned” why are they being so mean? [Chorus] I don’t wanna work, but I wanna get paid For my bold contribution to the mess of this life that I’ve made I’ll show up twice, then demand a promotion For outstanding lack of motion [Bridge] I called in “dead,” then I faxed my ghost Sent a selfie labeled “working hard” (I’m just the most) I Zoomed in invisible, gave a blank stare Said “Sorry I’m late, I got stuck in a chair” I filed for worker’s comp ‘cause I blinked too fast Said my horoscope warned me this shift wouldn’t last My doctor wrote a note that said “she needs some rest” (It was written in crayon, but I did my best) [Breakdown] Side effects may include: Sudden naps if you please! Chronic paycheck dependency And an overwhelming urge To absolutely not contribute anything! [Outro] I don’t wanna work, but I’ll keep this gig ‘Cause avoiding responsibility’s my favorite jig I’ll call in sick—yeah, you know the routine… “Oh hey boss, quick update… I have a sudden migraine.” it's the seventh one this week. ohhhh why do I have to work I just just be paid that work for me! I dont want to work when do I get paid? when do i get Paid!? [epic, whimsical]
