Peanuts packed, new gat, I’m like Snickers The sweet treat makes the girls drop their knickers They drop mine too and I feel the tongues flicker Reward with a lollipop and smiley face sticker Man with a van yeah I’m living the dream In the park all summer: slinging the ice cream In the dark all winter cos lecky is pricey Van life’s not bad though, it’s honestly quite nice On road yes, but I’ve never been a roadman Studied karate. Black belt, 1st Dan. 2 tours in Army: Iraq; Afghanistan. And I’ve never ate a meal that wasn’t from a tin can Not a fan of sand, so I can’t do beaches Can’t go near a school or my protection order breaches Not like that, got in a fight with a teacher Thought I nobbed his daughter so I rearranged his features Whacked out mind full of vinegar and piss Half the things I’m saying didn’t happen like this But the half that did? That’s more than enough To make a man of mystery out of ordinary stuff Rhyming rum soaked raisins braised in carnality Banging from my tongue in a fatality: Shang Tsung. Tatty moral fabric, the tapestry’s looking ratty and I’m pulling the string and it’s unravelling like a marriage and I’m makin the missus be my mistress and now I’m tapping it, Tricking her business to be hoeing and now I’m cashing it, Maxing out the bank account, lad, I’m fucking smashing it. Why do ladies stay with me? Guessing I’m just the handsomest… Most handsome. Never slack on syntax But I don’t correct my grammar cos I’m chill and relaxed. I’m a gastrolithic mystery, my gizzard is stone, A cold blooded Komodo, yo, I roll lone In my swamp home, waiting for a lady to chomp. Like a sexual Shrek, trying to find his donkey Pretty fly for a honkey, cos I'm bringing the raunch I’m singing in the wrong key, but I’m holding the conch Whacked out mind full of vinegar and piss Half the things I’m saying didn’t happen like this But the half that did? That’s more than enough To make a man of mystery out of ordinary stuff Spank the bottom of the bottle and I’m spilling the sauce Everyday I’m hustling: Richi Ricking the Ross Never touch liquor and I don’t do drugs Only like 3 songs: Little Brown Jug, La Cucaracha and Yankee Doodle Dandy Sound of the chimes make all the mums randy In a crop top cos she works from home Got the jumbo scoops spilling out her twin cone I said ‘hello Mrs Paterson, you’re looking fine, I’ll give you 30 off on a 99” She hops in the van cos she wants the flake Man she was dripping like a deep fried ice cream cake Lashings of Mr Whippy and I’m wiping the tip Then she wanted it coated and I’m happy to double dip Quick snap for the album, treasured memories Tits out, spread eagle on the double deep freeze Whacked out mind full of vinegar and piss Half the things I’m saying didn’t happen like this But the half that did? That’s more than enough To make a man of mystery out of ordinary stuff
