FIVE-MINUTE GANGSTER Jordan McCann Diss Track UK Grime / Scottish Battle Rap — Explicit Comedy [INTRO – Spoken, mocking] Oi, Jordan! Five one-minute rounds? What the fuck is this, boxing or a fucking tea break? Big bad gangster, aye? You fat fucking disaster! Listen up! [VERSE 1] Jordan McCann, what a fucking disgrace, Big gangster gob with a pudding for a face. Struts like a killer, talks like a king, But needs a distracted man to land a swing. Manchester hardman, that’s what you claim, Five-minute boxing, you’re embarrassing the game. All that fucking swagger, all that fucking chat, Built like a fridge with a mouth full of crap. You call yourself dangerous, you call yourself feared, But the only thing frightening is the shite that we’ve heard. A legend in your head, a joke in the street, Five minutes in the ring and you’re ready for a seat. [CHORUS – Shouted, heavy bass] FIVE-MINUTE GANGSTER! FAT FUCKING CHANCER! All mouth, no trousers, Built like a fucking bouncer! FIVE-MINUTE GANGSTER! WHAT A DISASTER! One minute a round, And you’re still breathing faster! [VERSE 2] Sucker-punch merchant, that’s your reputation, Big hard bastard with no invitation. You talk about respect, but here’s the fucking twist, Real fighters square up, they don’t swing and miss. You ain’t no Tyson, you ain’t no Khan, You’re a pound-shop villain called Jordan McCann. Five rounds of sixty, what a fucking joke, That’s less time boxing than it takes you to smoke. All that gangster theatre, all that fake intimidation, You’re the heavyweight champion of self-humiliation. You want a fucking legacy? Here’s your claim to fame: The shortest fucking hardman in the longest fucking game. [FINAL CHORUS – Crowd chanting] FIVE-MINUTE GANGSTER! FAT FUCKING CHANCER! All that fucking talking, Still ain’t got an answer! FIVE-MINUTE GANGSTER! BIG FAT DISASTER! The bell goes ding, And he’s heading for the plaster! [OUTRO – Spoken, laughing] Five minutes, Jordan. Five fucking minutes. I’ve had longer arguments with a parking meter. Manchester’s hardest? More like Manchester’s hardest to take seriously. Now away and sit doon, ya fucking weapon!
