I Can't Go Back v3

[Verse 1] I used to walk in steady, sleeves rolled to the wrist Find a vein in a heartbeat, never once miss Now my fingers drum tremors on the edge of the tray And the badge on my jacket gets taken away They said, “Time to step back; let your body get right” But I still hear the call bell cutting through night I knew every hallway, each face, every name Now I’m watching from outside like a guest at my place [Pre-Chorus] No more night-shift grind, no more call-room light No more psych-filled chaos stretching into night I didn’t quit the fight, I didn’t walk away They sent me to the bench and took my place away [Chorus] I went from hero to zero, shaking in the light Missing my people and the beautiful fight They cut me loose, said I’d finally be free But the E.D. still keeps calling to me I miss the madness, the rush, the unknown Miss that chaotic place I called home I can’t go back, though I’m not over the glow— Now I’m living with this shaky syndrome [Verse 2] I was the one who’d find a vein when no one could Steady hands, quick eyes, doing what I should Now they watch my fingers tremble at the start And every small goodbye cuts straight across my heart They say the change will bring a softer kind of day But I still hear the monitor in my head replay The midnight jokes, the rush, the clipped “you good?” The hands that knew exactly where they stood [Pre-Chorus] No more night-shift grind, no more call-room light No more psych-filled chaos stretching into night I didn’t quit the fight, I didn’t walk away They sent me to the bench and took my place away [Chorus] I went from hero to zero, shaking in the light Missing my people and the beautiful fight They cut me loose, said I’d finally be free But the E.D. still keeps calling to me I miss the madness, the rush, the unknown Miss that chaotic place I called home I can’t go back, though I’m not over the glow— Now I’m living with this shaky syndrome [Verse 3] Psych nights spun sideways, voices down the hall We’d steady the room, keep a hand on the wall Coffee gone cold by the end of the shift A laugh from the nurses could give us a lift I didn’t quit caring; I didn’t fold I fought for my place till the choice got told Now the bench is my station, the days feel strange I’m learning that worth isn’t measured by range [Bridge] Maybe I’m more than the work I used to do More than steady hands, more than a room I knew If I can’t go back, I’ll find another way Carry all those people with me into day I don’t miss the hurt, but I miss being needed Miss the tired high when the worst was defeated If the past is a room and the door’s welded shut I’ll carry those faces in the shape of my guts [Final Chorus] I went from hero to zero, but I’m still standing tall Even with the tremor, I remember it all They cut me loose, but they can’t take from me The nights, the friends, and the person I’d be I miss the madness, the rush, the unknown Miss that chaotic place I called home I can’t go back, but I’m learning to grow— Still living with this shaky syndrome [Outro] I used to be the hero on the night shift floor Now I’m finding who I am beyond that door The E.D. is behind me, wherever I roam— I’ll honor the chaos that once felt like home Derailed from the track, can’t go back Can’t go back, I can’t go back