[Verse 1] Barbarian's built like a siege machine, all shoulders, rage and protein. But wizards know the smarter play— we got six spell slots and a wand of foreplay. ugly? disguise yo'self. Bad hair? Prestidigitation helps. Need candlelight? Dancing lights. Need privacy? Rope Trick tonight. [Pre-Chorus] can't use suggestion- can't use charm- that shit will lead your ass into some serious harm. [Chorus] WIZARD! Got a spell for that! WIZARD! Pull another trick from the hat! The barbarian's flexing— that's adorable, man. I memorized twelve pages you wouldn't understand. [Verse 2] naked mirror image will make some cleric's day. Four of me smiling in exactly the same way. unseen servant fetching drinks the pinky finger of my mage hand stinks(ew!). Prestidigitation handles the mess, Minor Illusion handles the stress. Knock gets doors—growth does the trick, First in my class cause I've got a big...ego. [Chorus] WIZARD! Got a spell for that! WIZARD! Pull another trick from the hat! The barbarian's flexing— that's adorable, man. I got components organized in a little velvet bag. [Verse 3] Alter Self when the mood gets strange, body, voice—hell, take your pick and change. Tonight I'm him, tomorrow her, arcane identity's wonderfully blurred. I don't use enlarge, I use reduce so all of my magical power don't cut loose. Work smarter, friend, that's wizard law— precision beats swinging a battleaxe raw. [Bridge] If you're into sub-classes I think we got your fit, Illusion gets weird and Evocation gets lit. Divination knows what's coming next, Abjuration keeps everything properly checked. Necromancy? ...maybe don't. Conjuration? Depends what you want. Transmutation's flexible. Enchantment? nope. Get gud son. [Breakdown] Bigby's Fist? [female voice]"all right, let's all take a breath here..." [Verse] Grease on the floor, Feather Fall from the bed, Tongues makes sure every sweet nothing gets said. Dimension Door when somebody's NPC gets home— expeditious retreat when they're a nasty gnome(ew!) [Final Chorus] WIZARD! Got a spell for that! WIZARD! Pull another trick from the hat! The barbarian's flexing, the bard's talking shit— but if you're into sub-classes I've got a collar that might fit! WIZARD! Six seconds to cast! WIZARD! Make the evening last! WIZARD! get your name on the list! WIZARD! Just wait until I learn Wish...
