(Verse 1) From the frozen lands, where the longboats roam We bring forth a tale of a fearsome home Not of draugr or trolls, or a frost giant's might But a haunted house, where beans bring the fright! In the heart of the town, where the shadows descend The Beanstalk Abode, where your sanity ends! (Chorus) OH, THE BEANS, THE BEANS, IN THE HAUNTED HALL! WITH THEIR FIBROUS SOULS, THEY ANSWER THE CALL! SCATTERED LEGUMES, FROM FAR AND WIDE IN THIS BEAN-FILLED HELL, WHERE THE FEAR CAN'T HIDE! FOR THE ALL-BEAN HAUNT, A VIKING'S DELIGHT! PREPARE FOR THE LEGUME'S TERRIFYING BITE! (Verse 2) First, the Black Turtle Beans, from the jungles so green With a shadowy shuffle, the most ominous scene! Then the Pinto from Mexico, a blur in the gloom Whispering "Boo!" from the depths of the tomb! The Cannellini from Italy, pale as the moon A ghostly white shimmer, portending your doom! (Guitar solo with a folk metal feel, incorporating some accordion-like synth) (Chorus) OH, THE BEANS, THE BEANS, IN THE HAUNTED HALL! WITH THEIR FIBROUS SOULS, THEY ANSWER THE CALL! SCATTERED LEGUMES, FROM FAR AND WIDE IN THIS BEAN-FILLED HELL, WHERE THE FEAR CAN'T HIDE! FOR THE ALL-BEAN HAUNT, A VIKING'S DELIGHT! PREPARE FOR THE LEGUME'S TERRIFYING BITE! (Verse 3) From Japan, the Azuki, a blood-red gleam Through the cobwebbed corridors, a terrifying dream! The Great Northern, a giant, a shadow so vast Its silent approach makes your brave heart beat fast! And the tiny Lentil from India, a mischievous horde Swarming and creeping, a fear to be poured! (Bridge) No swords they may wield, no axes they swing But the rustle of pods, the dread that they bring! Their earthy aroma, a scent of the grave In the Beanstalk Abode, no mortal can save! (Heavy, chugging guitar riff) (Chorus) OH, THE BEANS, THE BEANS, IN THE HAUNTED HALL! WITH THEIR FIBROUS SOULS, THEY ANSWER THE CALL! SCATTERED LEGUMES, FROM FAR AND WIDE IN THIS BEAN-FILLED HELL, WHERE THE FEAR CAN'T HIDE! FOR THE ALL-BEAN HAUNT, A VIKING'S DELIGHT! PREPARE FOR THE LEGUME'S TERRIFYING BITE! (Outro) So if you are bold, and your spirit is strong Come face the bean horrors, where you truly belong! For the Beanstalk Abode, a legend untold Where the legumes of nations make your blood run cold! (Song ends with a final, crashing cymbal and a sustained power chord) Here's an image of a viking metal band playing in front of a haunted house filled with various kinds of beans as scare actors!
