[Intro] Well, I had a date with a cold six-pack tonight But my pickup ain’t moving and something ain’t right [Verse 1] I woke up this morning with a powerful thirst Checked my blue jeans pockets but I got the worst My truck keys vanished without a trace My wife just smiled with an innocent face [Pre-Chorus] She said, “Honey, maybe you oughta stay home” That’s when I knew I wasn’t searching alone [Chorus] Where is my keys? What’d you do with ‘em, dear? I looked in the tackle box and behind the deer Checked every drawer and the washing machine This is the strangest disappearance I’ve seen Where is my keys? I got buddies to meet But my wife done grounded a grown man this week [Verse 2] I searched the freezer and under the bed Even shook the biscuits and the loaf of bread Looked in the mailbox and the doghouse too The dog looked guilty but I know who knew [Chorus] Where is my keys? What’d you do with ‘em, dear? I looked in the tackle box and behind the deer Checked every drawer and the washing machine This is the strangest disappearance I’ve seen Where is my keys? I got buddies to meet But my wife done grounded a grown man this week [Bridge] Then I found a note taped onto the wall It said, “Try drinking sweet tea for once, y’all” “Your keys are safe and your liver is too” Signed, “The woman who’s smarter than you” [Break] Well, I cussed a little and I laughed out loud She beat this outlaw fair and square somehow [Final Chorus] Where is my keys? Well, now I finally know They were hidden in the crockpot way down below My drinking plans got buried alive But at least this marriage is still gonna survive Where is my keys? That’s a question no more Tonight I’m drinking coffee on my own front porch [Outro] She saved me from the barstool once again Guess I’ll lose those keys till next weekend
