Woke up at the crack of noon, call it brunch o’clock, Keurig’s spitting Cabernay ‘cause I hacked the pod slot. Slip-n-slide from driveway to the Aldi wine aisle, Got the whole cul-de-sac side-eying my inflatable lifestyle. Trash day’s Tuesday. Cool, my bins are still on stun, I’m firing up the leaf blower just for background fun. H. O. A. keeps mailing threats in Comic Sans, But I’m too busy sun-baking my OnlyFans. I’m a suburban hedonist, plastic flamingo therapist, Living large on patio charge like a Costco anarchist. Long-time leisurist, got tenure in the idle arts, Gold medal in day-off science, PhD in patio darts. Neighborhood watch can watch me, I’m streaming in 4K, On a $19 dollar floatie named “Regret” in my neon blue biday. DoorDash knows my order better than my therapist does, “Two boxes of existential dread, extra dip, because.” Carpool moms pass by clutching kale and pearls, While I grill edibles shaped like H. O. A. bylaws for the girls. Ring cam caught me karaoke-yelling “Freebird” at dawn, Blame the mimosas, not the menace on my sprinkler lawn. Yeah, suburban hedonist, back-yard Bacchanalian, Turned the block party into Burning Man with better Wi-Fi and Long-time leisurist, built a hammock tax haven, Turbo-lazy, gas-powered sloth, professional misbehavin’. I’m a suburban hedonist, plastic flamingo therapist, Living large on patio charge like a Costco anarchist. Yeah, margarita monarch, patio pandemonium, Started a sprinkler rave, Coachella on linoleum. Suburban hedonist, reclining Aphrodite, Turned the kiddie pool into Club Med, invite-only-slightly slimy Long-time leisurist, lawn-chair libertine supreme, Future outlook? Already living the dream 2025 Lyrics by Nikki H. / GenXDreams
