Protection Fail! – A Bard’s Ring of Protection Song

[Intro] A sly old salesman sold me a ring, Said it protects from every dangerous thing. I placed it on my middle finger with glee, Thought it might even stop fatherhood for me. [Verse 1] A dash of Succubus danced through my hall, A flick of Seraph sparkled past the wall. A pinch of Sea Hag tried to curse my way, A wink of Vampire Countess led me astray. [Pre-Chorus 1] I rolled with my charm, felt untouchable and free, Magic on my finger, nothing could harm me. [Chorus 1] Succubus kissed me, I thought I was strong, Seraph swore I’d done nothing wrong. Sea Hag cursed me, Countess left a trail, And in the end… Protection Fail! [Verse 2] A wave of Mermaid splashed near my feet, Drow Matron schemed with plans discreet. Fey Queen tricked me with a grin, Kraken rose and pulled me in. [Pre-Chorus 2] I rolled with my charm, felt untouchable and free, Magic on my finger, nothing could harm me. [Chorus 2] Mermaid sang sweet, pulled me down below, Drow Matron schemed with power to show. Fey Queen tricked me, Kraken tipped the scale, And in the end… Protection Fail! [Short Instrumental - Playful Mambo riff, brass and marimba] [Bridge] Turns out the ring was clever, but no save, I rolled all high, yet life misbehaved. The loophole I found wasn’t a charm, Now chaos waits, causing me harm. [Verse 3 – Children Reveal] A dash of teefling from the Succubus’ night, A flick of hexblood from Sea Hag’s spite. A spark of Seraph glimmered in flight, A wink of dampir gave me a fright. [Pre-Chorus 3] I rolled with my charm, felt untouchable and free, Magic on my finger, nothing could harm me. [Chorus FINAL] Teefling child with a mischievous grin, Hexblood brewing curses deep within. Seraph’s blessing, Dampir pale, All proof of my… Protection Fail! [Outro] I thought my ring could fix it all, Turns out life laughs at every call. Assumptions made me a tragic tale, Bard or not… Protection Fail!