The Seraphina Blanc de Lune Affair

Up to that morning life was fine Big house Good dog Just us two Manageable He handled security I handled the fridge Solid arrangement Long term delusion Then guilt hit That whisper in the dark Poor Charly alone it could be worse It could Long shifts Long days I thought two hundred grams of pure fluff might fix the empty space Another dog Youre absolutely joking no Charly deserves peace No rival show But a kitten tiny Elegant Independent Cute Purring grace Zero attitude Or so I told myself Like a fool I found her Seraphina Blanc de Lune White as moonlight Pink bow like a debutante balloon Bought the carrier at sunrise yes the hour of bad decisions I confess Let him out first Let him roam Let him think he still rules the home When he came back the trap was set I smiled Like this was my smartest bet It wasnt He sniffed She hissed He jumped three feet back I grinned Charly meet your new little sister Play nice big chap dont attack He gave me the look Pure betrayal Deluxe The same face he makes when I run out of his favourite biscuits This is how you repay my loyalty You brought a tiny white dictator home to me I made the stupid noises High pitched Desperate The ones that say everything is fine while your world implodes Cute right She only naps and looks adorable She immediately claimed his bed Like it was paid for In gold Day three she smacked him on the nose Day four she bit his ear He froze I became the United Nations Full time mediator Separate bowls Separate zones Peace talks they both ignored me Later Charly sulking like Id sacked him from his lifelong job Seraphina Blanc de Lune destroying curtains with the grace of a tiny mob boss And I just stood there Thinking What have I done I brought home two hundred grams of chaos in a pink bow I used to have one dog One plan One loyal king One good man Now I run a chaotic diplomatic zone between a dethroned monarch and a fluffy tyrant on her throne They said Get a cat theyre low maintenance old boy Biggest lie since this wont take long I swear She maintains me though I open doors I settle wars I buy the food I clean the floors And every night they both appear one on my feet one using my ear as a pillow Loud And clear I pay the mortgage I pay the rent But clearly Im just the staff In the Seraphina Blanc de Lune experiment Week two Suddenly allies Sometimes I caught them curled together in the sun Looking almost civilised My heart melted My genius plan worked I cheered Then she woke up Bit his tail And the war resumed Right there Charly sighed like a tired old man She pounced like a tiny white hurricane My diplomatic career died that day Again But heres what nobody tells you When you bring home the second pet When I leave now hes not sad Not pacing alone Hes busy Being mildly furious at her And that tiny chaos keeps him entertained When I come home instead of one lonely face I get two One dramatic glare One imperial stare Both demanding explanations Where were you Who do you think you are leaving us here to share the sunbeam anyway Sometimes at 3 am I wake up trapped Her Parked on my forehead Like its prime real estate Him Stretched across my legs Like a thirty kilo weighted blanket with opinions And then the air shifts A weight A silence A commitment He braces Focuses Makes eye contact with it Then turns with pride to review the damage Hints of poultry Bold finish I have seen fabric react I have watched light bend I believe briefly the house itself considered relocation Charly you are not subtle You do not pass wind You stage an event And still I lie here Trapped Between a gentle giant with atmospheric collapse and a two hundred gram war criminal I remember when my bed was mine When silence meant peace not a negotiated ceasefire I could have stayed with just Charly The walks The simple life The steady heart But then No chaos No laughter No art of watching ancient enemies slowly become family So I lie still I dont complain Much I am the architect The janitor The butler The one who pays And somehow watching them together its okay Now we are three Charly The dog who learned to share Most days Seraphina Blanc de Lune The tiny white problem with criminal energy And me The human who thought he knew what adding company meant I had no clue She still destroys He still complains Quietly With dignity And yes he still stages events I still open doors when it rains But when theyre both asleep one on each side of me I see exactly what I bought with my beautiful lunacy Not peace Not quiet Not a simple plan Just family Complicated Loud Furry Ridiculous and completely stupidly true The magnificent Blanc de Lune crew