[Intro] [Spoken] "One night, when I was still a rookie, I was patrolling the back streets of East Sydney with a legendary master of subversive excellence... Senior Constable Tim Turello." [Verse 1] There was a woman on the corner working late upon the beat, Short skirt and bruised up arms, just trying to make ends meet. Turello gave a nod and said, "Go on kid, have a crack. Good experience for a rookie, I’ll be watching from the back." I stepped out feeling confident, determined to do things right, "I suspect your presence here may be causing fear tonight— In the mind of a person of reasonable firmness, see?" She smiled and looked me up and down, and whispered back to me: "Keep this up, Constable, and you'll be here all night... And there won't be any reasonable firmness left in sight." Turello nearly hit the pavement, laughing long and loud, He wiped his eyes and shook his head, completely at a loss. "Mate, we can't legally move 'em on for soliciting. That's not one of the criteria." I said: "Then why did she move?" He grinned and said: "Because it was easier than listening to that speech." [Chorus] EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! No need to leave your seat. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! Short, sharp and sweet. Forget the legislation, Forget the legal brief. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! Problem solved. Relief. [Verse 2] He wound the window down and yelled, didn’t miss a beat: "EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET!" and she wandered down the street. He wound the window up again, looking pleased as punch, "That’s how you do a move-on, son," he said with obvious pride. Another lap around the block, another woman there, I wound the window down and yelled into the midnight air: "EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET!" Turello turned to me: "Much better. Put it down as an occurrence. You'll still get a stat for it." But one lap later there she stood, she hadn't gone too far, Turello sighed and shook his head: "Oh hell, we'll have to get out the car." [Chorus] EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! No need to leave your seat. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! Short, sharp and sweet. Works a bloody beauty Until it falls apart. Then suddenly you're standing there Explaining from the start. [Verse 3] We walked right up, Turello said, his voice was loud and clear: "The Constable gave a move-on notice, why are you still here?" She looked at us and raised an eyebrow, sharp as any knife, "Oh, that was you, was it? I've never been so insulted in my life!" Out came her notebook, out came her pen, "I want your names right now," she said, "and don't you swear again! I’m no street worker, I'm waiting for a ride— I'm waiting for a taxi!"—man, I wished that I could hide. Then she pointed straight at me, putting me on the shelf: "And you," she said, "you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself!" Back inside the vehicle, Turello sat and stared, The legendary master looked completely unprepared. He muttered: "You're a shit magnet, mate, to the very core... I'm telling you right now, this has never happened before." [Bridge] He drove around the corner, lit a smoke beneath the stars, Then smiled that classic smile known by coppers in their cars. "I can fix this." He grabbed the phone. "Hello Police? We've got children in the area, Syringes on the ground. There's a working girl outside my house, Just loitering around. Black skirt, pink top... No, I won't give my name. I'd rather stay anonymous." He played the classic game. The radio crackled seconds later: "Report of a working girl operating near the park..." Turello grabbed the microphone: "Copy that. Off there now." And we went back on patrol. We turned the corner. She was still standing there. Turello said: "We've had complaints." She said: "No, you haven't. That's not fair. You're making that up because I said I'd complain about you." He pointed at the radio. "The job's recorded." And suddenly off she flew. [Final Chorus] EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! The Cross's finest art. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! Right from the bloody start. If subtlety has failed you And procedure's incomplete, There's always: EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! To get the job completed. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! Never be defeated! EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! The solution neat and clean, Until the lady with the taxi Blew up the whole routine. EFF OFF TO WILLIAM STREET! The answer can't be beat. At least it was... until the night We met the wrong woman On the wrong street. [Outro] [Spoken] "The funny thing was... the minute Turello mentioned complaints, she suddenly moved on. Turns out we were bluffing. But so was she. She was, in fact, soliciting."
