I’m a wizard man, scroll game filthy, My tome’s so thick, got me feeling guilty. Woooo! I don’t need no blade, don’t need no shield, I wink at your girl then loot and peel. I got robes so fine, you’d think I was royalty, Your crits bounce off I'm dipped in immortality. I once seduced a banshee just by sighin’, She said, “You raise the dead?” I said, “Only if you’re tryin’.” Woooo! I’m a wizard man, no novice here, My charm’s so potent, it’s your worst fear. I’m a wizard man, no worries, just spell slots, One fireball clears out two whole plots. "the shocker!" Mana high! Morals low! Scry your mom through my crystal whoa! My owl familiar’s got an attitude, for real, He'll break your crap, and shit in your serial. Yeah, I polymorphed a guard into a pie, Then fed him to his boss no lie. All the dragons cower, got them lined up in rows, I conjured a pub just to drink with my hoes. I blink through walls, rewrite the map, You read the handbook I wrote that crap. "Let me break it down for the sword-swingin’ folks: I got eight schools of magic, You're just… sweaty jokes. Enjoy your stupid javelin Chad." I’m a wizard man, got loot in my lair, Casting Mage Hand just to style my hair. Woooo! I’m a wizard man, I carved my staff from your regrets, If you ain’t dead, you just ain’t met me yet. Casting spells! Taking names! Started as a nerd now I bend dames! Woooo! Fuck your potions, fuck your odds, Fuck your stealth checks, you silly rogue frauds. Fuck your torches I light up with style. I’m a wizard, baby! Wild since level five!
