[Intro - Spoken, deep Southern drawl] Well, folks... Down in Hot Springs, Arkansas, there's a man who's seen some things. And most of 'em... were in his back seat. [Verse 1] There's a legend down in Hot Springs, Where the tourists come to play, He drives a van named Bullet Bill, And hauls their butts all day. He's got playlists for the people, From Sinatra down to Queen, And he's seen more crazy nonsense Than a sane man's ever seen. [Verse 2] There's a basket full of fidgets, And some trinkets you can take, But if you break his karaoke, That's a mighty big mistake. Some folks sing like angels, Some sound like dying goats, Some leave things in the back seat That should've stayed inside their coats. [Chorus] He's the Ride Dad! The king of the boulevard! Haulin' drunks and tourists, And workin' twice as hard! He's got patience like a preacher, And sarcasm by the ton, He's the Ride Dad of Hot Springs, And his work is never done! [Verse 3] He knows every road and shortcut, Every pothole, every turn, He's seen things at two in the morning That would make a grown man squirm. He's dodged the deer and crazy drivers, Construction cones and fools, And somehow every Saturday, Somebody breaks the rules. [Bridge - Spoken] Now listen here... That microphone is for singin'. Those fidget toys ain't for THAT. And would somebody PLEASE quit fartin' in my van?! [Fiddle Solo] [Final Chorus] He's the Ride Dad! The legend of the night! He'll get you where you're goin', And he'll try to do it right! He's got jokes and he's got stories, He's got wisdom by the mile, And even when the world's gone nuts, He'll greet you with a smile! [Outro - Spoken] I don't give rides... I provide experiences. Now get outta my van.
