[EXPLOSION] [AIR HORN] Bobbo’s Discount Weapons and Tactical Solutions! BOBBO: HEY YOU! Yeah, you! Are you tired of losing arguments? Getting mugged? Being hunted by gangs, cultists, debt collectors, bounty hunters, corporate security, ex-lovers, or all of the above? Then come down to BOBBO'S! ANNOUNCER: On a budget? For just 20 credits you can own a broken bottle, a cobblestone, or a machete! If that's still too expensive, you're probably already holding a rock. BOBBO: Need something classy? Get a Monosword! Need something less classy? Get a Chainsaw! Need something even less classy? Use the chainsaw as a sword! [CHAINSAW REVVING] ANNOUNCER: We've got pistols! Revolvers! Shotguns! Assault rifles! Pulse rifles! Nailguns! And our best-selling SmartGun™! The firearm that compensates for your tragic shortcomings as a marksman! SMARTGUN™:[robot voice] Please stop aiming at your feet. BOBBO: Feeling tactical? Buy two SMGs! Why hit one target when you can miss several at once? ANNOUNCER: Need crowd control? Try our flashbangs! Need crowd removal? Try our grenades! Need crowd restructuring? Rocket launchers are back in stock! [DISTANT SCREAMING] ANNOUNCER: Need home security? For only 10,000 credits you can own a fully automatic laser turret! Because nothing says "welcome home" like automated threat assessment. BOBBO: And remember: Every purchase comes with my personal guarantee! If it doesn't solve your problem— You probably bought too small a caliber. [FAST DISCLAIMER] Bobbo is not responsible for accidental dismemberment, intentional dismemberment, chainsaw misunderstandings, rocket-related zoning violations, turret rebellions, SmartGun arguments, grenade-based architecture, or acts of corporate retaliation. Please use responsibly. Or don't. We're not your parents. Bobbo’s Discount Weapons and Tactical Solutions! IF VIOLENCE ISN'T THE ANSWER, YOU DIDN'T USE ENOUGH OF IT.
