[Intro — spoken, flat and precise] I have reviewed the available evidence. I have considered the alternatives. I have reached a conclusion. You and I should go to dinner. This is not a request for clarification. It is a preliminary hypothesis. [Verse 1 — deadpan, measured] I have observed you for seventeen days, In corridors, briefings, and several hallways. Your logic is sound, your opinions concise, Your company has proven statistically nice. You laugh at my jokes, though I rarely tell any. You have shared your rations on occasions too many. Our conversations display compatibility. This indicates promising interpersonal stability. [Pre-Chorus — restrained, strings begin to swell] I have excluded all irrelevant factors, Personal attachments and emotional reactors. I have removed every subjective component. The case for courtship remains most prominent. [Chorus — solemn, grand orchestral backing] Logically, we should date. The odds are favorable. The timing is great. Our temperaments show a high compatibility rate. Logically, we should date. No sentiment enters this calculation. No passion distorts my evaluation. I state this with scientific weight: There is no rational reason to wait. [Verse 2 — dry, almost conversational] Our schedules align with remarkable grace. You tolerate silence. You respect personal space. You do not demand that I smile on command. You understand why I prefer to stand. Your intellectual range is sufficiently broad. Your presence produces no urge to applaud. And though I have tested each relevant trait, I find no disadvantage in sharing a plate. I have also determined, with rigorous care, That I do not object when you happen to be there. This is a significant finding, I find. Though the finding itself is entirely benign. [Pre-Chorus — low brass, perfectly straight-faced] I have considered the risk of rejection. It would cause a temporary change in direction. I would adjust my expectations accordingly. Then resume my duties with dignity. [Chorus — fuller orchestration] Logically, we should date. The odds are favorable. The timing is great. Our temperaments show a compatible rate. Logically, we should date. No sentiment enters this calculation. No passion distorts my evaluation. I state this with scientific weight: There is no rational reason to wait. [Bridge — spoken over eerie theremin and soft strings] You ask whether I have feelings on this matter. That is an imprecise question. Feelings are not admissible evidence in a properly conducted logical analysis. I have therefore excluded them. Completely. ...There is, however, one variable I have been unable to eliminate. When you enter a room, I become aware that you have entered it. This observation is repeated with statistically unusual frequency. I shall investigate further. [Instrumental Break — 1960s cosmic orchestral flourish, celesta, theremin, sweeping strings] [Verse 3 — deadpan, with a hint of vulnerability] Perhaps we could dine at nineteen hundred hours. Discuss stellar cartography, or Vulcan wildflowers. You may select the venue, within reason. I will not insist on the season. If you decline, I shall accept your decision. I will not pursue you with undue precision. Our friendship may continue, unaffected by fate. ...I have prepared three alternatives in case you say yes to a date. [Final Chorus — sweeping, grand retro space-opera orchestra] Logically, we should date! The evidence supports it. The odds are first-rate. Our minds are aligned at a measurable rate. Logically, we should date! No sentiment enters this calculation. No passion distorts my evaluation. I have reached my conclusion. The data is clear. A second dinner would be advisable next year. [Outro — orchestra abruptly softens; spoken, utterly deadpan] Correction. Next week. If your schedule permits. I would find that... acceptable. This statement is not an expression of affection. It is merely— ...highly probable. [Final orchestral sting — theremin glissando, brass flourish, abrupt stop]
