[Intro] I keep a ledger of the stars, And label every one; I know the moons of Jupiter, And when the planets run. [Verse 1] I speak in polished paragraphs, With grammar finely tuned; I quote the anxious philosophers, Though none of them are known. I conjugate the dinner bill, Then lecture on the tax— My mind is like a filing vault, With indexes and facts. [Pre-Chorus] So when the crowd grows curious, I give them this advice: A scholar must be eloquent, And also very— [Pause] ...precocious? [Chorus] I’m a genius, I’m a marvel, I’m a walking almanac; I can tell you why the kettle sings, And where the north winds track. I’m a genius, I’m a wonder, Every answer neatly stored— If the proper word escapes me, I simply use a grander word! [Verse 2] I’ve studied every continent, From Dover down to Crete; I know the customs of the tribes, And which fork they use to eat. I’m fluent in arithmetic, And nearly fluent French; I once said “merci” to a waiter, He threw me from a bench. [Pre-Chorus] But language is a delicate, A highly cultured art; A speaker must be accurate, And never quite— [Pause] ...incontinent? [Chorus] I’m a genius, I’m a marvel, I’m a walking library; I can name the kings of Thailand, Though they’re standing right by me. I’m a genius, I’m a wonder, My intellect’s adored— When a simple word is needed, I buy a more expensive word! [Bridge] Now, let me state my thesis with complete authority: A person of superior mind possesses great— [Long Pause] ...immaturity? No, no, that can’t be right. [Spoken] Give me a moment. I had it a second ago. It was long, impressive, and beginning with an “I.” [Verse 3] I know the laws of physics, I can chart a comet’s arc; I can idemnify a nightingale Finding it by farts. I’m master of semantics, Of rhetoric and lore; I’m sure that “evacuate” means To leave a room for more. [Final Chorus] I’m a genius, I’m a marvel, I’m a tower of command; I can diagnose a dictionary With a quill in either hand. I’m a genius, I’m a wonder, The cleverest alive— I’d explain the word I’m looking for, But first I must— [Comedic Pause] ...improvise! [Outro] Yes, “improvise”—that’s exactly it, A word of noble size. I meant to say I know my craft, I think. I theorize.
