Side Effects - Airborne Anger

[Verse 1 — bouncy shuffle groove; first-person, deadpan] I walked in with one small problem — Hair that parts a little wrong. Walked out with a paper bag full, And a list ten pages long. One pill to fix the problem, That's where it all begins... But every pill's a doorway, And the doorway lets them in. [List 1 — band slams straight in; rapid-fire, one breath] DRY MOUTH! COLD SWEATS! NIGHT TERRORS! DEEP REGRETS! JOINT PAIN! WEIGHT GAIN! BLURRED VISION! MIGRAINE! TEETH GRINDING! FLINCHING! RASHES! CONSTANT ITCHING! COUGHING! WHEEZING! TROUBLE BREATHING! SNEEZING! EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA! ANAL LEAKAGE! MOOD SWINGS! EMOTIONAL WRECKAGE! KIDNEY FAILURE! LOSS OF BALANCE! HOSPITAL MEETINGS! WISH ME TALENT! [Half-time drop — sleazy lounge croon] Prolonged erections lasting Longer than four hours... All that from fixing my hair?! Oh no — that's just the starter pill, There's plenty more to spare! [Chorus — half-time; vocals stretch and soar] Round and round the bottle goes, Where it stops, nobody knows, One to cure and one to cope, One at the end of my rope... What do you get? [Backing vocals] WHAT DO YOU GET?! Not better yet? [Backing vocals] NOT BETTER YET?! It ain't the disease you should sweat — It's the SIDE EFFECTS! [Verse 2 — groove tightens; the cascade] Now there's one for the nausea, one for the pain, One for the dizziness, one for the drain, One for the itching, one for the rash, One for the medicine that emptied my cash! And the fine print whispers, buried down below: The pills for the side effects Have side effects of their own — [Backing vocals] THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S WORKING! [List 2 — slams in harder and faster] VOMITING! HEARTBURN! MUSCLE TWITCHING! SUNBURN! INTERNAL BLEEDING! MEMORY LOSS! PANIC ATTACKS! GETTING LOST! RECTAL BLEEDING! VIOLENT SHAKING! SLEEPWALKING! JAWBONE ACHING! DIFFICULTY SWALLOWING! BLOOD CLOTS! NO APPETITE! CONNECT THE DOTS! SUICIDAL THOUGHTS! EXCESSIVE SWETTING! UNCONTROLLED GAMBLING! CONSTANT REGRETTING! TEMPORARY BLINDNESS! CHRONIC SWELLING! WHAT COMES NEXT? THERE'S JUST NO TELLING! [Chorus] Round and round the bottle goes, Where it stops, nobody knows, One to cure and one to cope, One at the end of my rope... What do you get? [Backing vocals] WHAT DO YOU GET?! Not better yet? [Backing vocals] NOT BETTER YET?! It ain't the disease you should sweat — It's the SIDE EFFECTS! [Guitar Solo] [Bridge — music thins to bass and hi-hat; woozy, counting] How many pills am I up to now? One... three... seven... twelve... Carry the one somehow... The math gave up — I did too. The cabinet's a pharmacy, The pharmacy's a zoo! And one for the pill That upset the pill I took... For the pill before — HERE COMES SOME MORE! [Final List — double-time; auctioneer pace] DRY MOUTH! WET MOUTH! BLURRED VISION! TUNNEL VISION! HEARTBURN! HEART ATTACK! RAPID PULSE! CAN'T RELAX! HOT FLASHES! COLD CHILLS! NUMB HANDS! DOCTOR BILLS! HAIR LOSS! HAIR GROWTH! SWOLLEN TONGUE! SORE THROAT! EAR RINGING! EYE TWITCHING! NOSEBLEEDS! MORE ITCHING! BLOATING! CRAMPING! INSOMNIA! SLEEP-STANDING! STIFF JOINTS! BRAIN FOG! BARKING LIKE A DOG?! CONSTIPATION! DEHYDRATION! PALPITATIONS! HALLUCINATIONS! LOW BLOOD PRESSURE! HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE! SLURRED SPEECH! STRESS BEYOND MEASURE! HIVES AND SPOTS! FRESH BLOOD CLOTS! CAN'T SWALLOW NOTHIN'! CONNECT THE DOTS! PERSISTENT ERECTION! SUDDEN CONFUSION! TOTAL SEDATION! HOSPITALIZATION! AND DEATH!... [Sweetly] In rare situations! [Final Chorus — biggest; tempo eases] Round and round the bottle goes, Where it stops, nobody knows, One to cure and one to cope, One at the end of my rope... What do you get? [Backing vocals] WHAT DO YOU GET?! Not better yet? [Backing vocals] NOT BETTER YET?! It ain't the disease you should sweat — It's the SIDE EFFECTS! [Backing vocals] SIDE EFFECTS! [ECHOES] SIDE EFFECTS! SIDE...SIDE EFFECTS! SIDE EFFECTS! Feels like death ... [Outro] Do I need that... ...